Guinevere/Issue 7

This is Issue 7 of Guinevere, entitled "Eat".

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Issue 7; Eat
“You have to eat, Skye.” Rodney mutters, handing me a plate with rice. I am not hungry, though. After Alan’s death, I haven’t really eaten anything. Only an apple a day maybe. We have been living in this tower for four days now. I am writing in my diary every day, mostly about how much I miss Alan. I miss how well he treated me, and how he made me feel special. “I’m not hungry.” I respond, looking through a window at Alan’s corpse. We haven’t removed it because there is risk that he will reanimate. We don’t know how long that process takes. In the early days they said that it took between 5 minutes to 12 hours for a corpse to reanimate, but a man in our group told us that it took his wife three days to reanimate. We are not taking any chances. “Y’know, Skye...” Rodney says, putting the plate away. He sits down next to me on the couch. Where Alan used to sleep. Where we used to have sex. I let a tear drop. Rodney puts an arm around me. I have nothing against Rodney, he’s very nice, but I just don’t want to be his girlfriend. “Stop, Rodney.” I say, getting up from the couch. I look at him, my usual smile is gone. “I still love, Alan. It’s not like... I don’t want to be your girlfriend, Rodney.” Rodney doesn’t say anything. He just sits there, looking at me. I continue. “I know... if it wasn’t for you, I’d be dead... but... but Alan is... he’s gone, Rodney.” I say, dropping to my knees, covering my face in my hands. “He’s gone, Rodney. He’s gone.” Rodney gets up, kneeling down next to me. He then proceeds to place his arm around me again. I twist myself away from him, getting to my feet again. “You don’t get it, do you, Rodney?” I say, now sounding angry. “He’s gone, but my love for him isn’t!” Alan treated me well. I don’t think Rodney can be a better boyfriend for me than Alan was. I really doubt it. “Skye....” Rodney says, getting up as well. “I’m sorry, it’s just... I like you. I’ve always liked you.” Even though I’m not surprised, I look like it. Mostly because nobody has ever told me this before. Alan and I just... kinda happened. I shake my head. Rodney is nice, and I know that I will spend the rest of my life with him, but I don’t want to. I just don’t. I leave the room, going into the room next door where we have all our stuff. I look through one of the bags until I find what I am looking for; an old gun with two bullets. I don’t want to die, but I do want to be with Alan. That’s what they called a catch-22 in the days before the outbreak. Standing there with the gun, I think about what I am actually about to do. I don’t want to kill myself. And I don’t want to kill Rodney. Why would I? I place the gun in the bag again. I then walk back into the other room where Rodney is sitting in the couch, his face buried in his hands. “I’m... I’m sorry, Rodney.” I mutter, not looking him in the eyes. Rodney looks up, looking surprised that I’ve returned so fast. He then nods, and looks down again. I then sit go over to get the plate with rice. Sitting down next to him, I make sure we’re clear that he isn’t my boyfriend by sitting in the other end of the couch. Rodney looks at me, and I look back. We’re clear. I then proceed to eat.