Talk:Epiphany/Book One/Chapter 4/@comment-7317707-20151028030745

Now that I have a bit more free time I thought I'd write outa bit longer of a 'review'. First and foremost, as a whole, the dialouge was excellent. Everything that the characters said seemed very natural and the conversations flowed very smoothly. I'd say the strongest portion of the chapter was definitely Winnie's intro. Her backstory and personality was very well defined within a few paragraphs. Grey and Dylan's interactions also stood out for me just because I really love the contrast between the two brothers (I almost died laughing at the "ambiguity" part because I was just thinking what Dylan said). The Venice part was good with plot progression, I also liked Bryce's intro (lol ruby is the worst). My only suggestions are that maybe expand/explain a bit more w/ New Venice itself? It was a bit hazy to me what was going on (How are they keeping infected away, where are they getting materials to build, etc). I love the idea of New Venice it just needs to be built upon imo. The other thing I noticed was when Gwen goes to help Jarod you kind of slipped into a "tell not show" instead of a "show not tell". I wanted a bit more description there I guess? Othan than that, like I said before, this series and this chapter were very very good and I'm really looking forward to where's it's going (again, ruby is literally the worst lol).