Anguish & Desire/Chapter Twenty Two

This is Chapter Twenty Two of Danganronpa: Anguish &amp; Desire, Locker Time!. In this chapter, Ken gets dragged around by a bunch of fucks

Author's Note: hella slow/short chapter. only character development stuffies though so that's why probably who knows

The morning meeting today was rather quiet for the most part -- and it didn’t help that half of us didn’t even show.

When I woke up and staggered my way over here at the MonoMech announcement, I was greeted by the lovely faces of Saishi, Sasada, Shiomi, Yuka, and Tomori. Everyone else was...M.I.A.

“W-Where the hell did they all run off too--!” Saishi exclaims to himself, furrowing his eyebrows.

“You don’t think...anything happened, right?” Shiomi asks, biting his lower lip. “I mean, Nakamoto and Obinata are no-surprise, but Kitoaji and Satoshi…”

…

“You mean, ‘Did anyone kill them’, right?” Tomori asks, shaking her head. “Satoshi’s alive -- said he was feeling a bit queasy. I tried to help him, and even offered to ask Sasada for help, but he said it happened to him a lot and he’d rather be alone.”

“That’s even more reason I should go to him,” Sasada says, shaking her head. “If it happens a lot he could be really sick.”

“Kitoaji and Azama both told me they would not be joining us as well,” Sasada continues. “No reason was given, though.”

Is Rai…?

Saishi winces. “This is the time when we should be most unified, and they have the nerve to skip out on our morning meetings--!”

“It’s okay, Sai-chan!” Yuka exclaims, throwing her hands in the air in glee. “I’m here!”

Saishi’s irritated demeanor almost does a one hundred and eighty degree turn at Yuka’s exclamation, and he smiles brightly. “Excellent point, Yuka! Thank you for joining us!”

“You’re welcome!”

Saishi snaps his fingers, and he rubs his chin gently. “Now, I know everything has been tough lately, so that’s why I wanted to let you all know that starting today, I’m going to give one-on-one motivational speeches to anyone who swings by my place!”

“Really?” Shiomi asks. “What for?”

“I figured we all could use a little bit of hope right now,” he says. “So, who wants to go first?”

Yuka throws her hand up in the air. “I do, I do!”

“Excellent!” Saishi exclaims, rising to his feet. “Well, there’s nothing really to discuss today, so--try your best everyone!”

With that, Saishi and Yuka both left the dining hall.

“Maybe I’ll investigate again, today,” Sasada mumbles to herself. “Nothing else to do.”

“I should probably check on Satoshi,” Tomori says, sighing. “You two have fun.”

And then with that, Tomori and Sasada parted ways with Shiomi and myself.

The two of us sat in silence for a few moments, and just when I was going to retreat to my room and think amongst myself, Shiomi taps on my shoulder.

When I look over to him, he pushes his glasses up, and he gives me a sly smile.

“Ken, wanna chill with me for a couple of hours?”

...I’m really not in the mood to be with anyone right now, but...

“Sure, Shiomi.”

...Shiomi needs some development attention.

So, after that Shiomi dragged me off to his room, and we plopped ourselves on the floor beside his back wall -- his bed had a lot of papers neatly organized and stacked on it, so sitting on it would’ve just messed everything up.

As Shiomi got comfortable, he finally opens his mouth to speak.

“It’s called...Mercy!”

Mercy…?

Shiomi snaps his fingers, and gently opens his eyes. “Now, it’s not a very catchy title, but I think that’s what makes it great. There’s a simplistic beauty about it, ya know?”

…

“I’m sorry, what’s called Mercy?”

“Tsk, tsk, Ken, have you even been paying attention?”

But, you hadn’t said anything about it before...

“My new song, Ken! It’s gonna be great, it’s gonna be beautiful, it is going to be...marvelous!”

I tilt my head. “Can I listen then?”

Shiomi shakes his head and wags his fingers in front of my face. “No, no. Not until I’m done!”

Th-Then what was the point of telling me…?

“It’s going to be beautiful, Ken,” Shiomi says, leaning his head against the wall behind him. “It’ll be a tribue. To Yosano. To Shimazaki. To Shiho. To Tani.”

“I’m sure it’s going to be beautiful,” I say, resting my chin in my hands. “Do you think...they’ll hear it?”

Shiomi gently chuckles to himself. “I’m not a religious guy, but...I hope so.”

He pauses, and looks up to the ceiling. “Still, it’s not complete yet. It’ll be our bands first single when we get out of here…”

Our band?

“Whose band?”

“C’mon Ken, we’re *totally* starting a band when we get out of here.”

W-Who decided that?!

“It makes perfect sense! I can sing, Yuka can work on the beats, Azama on violin…”

“I can’t play anything, though,” I say, and I feel myself smiling nervously.

“We can teach ya something,” he says, scratching his chin. “Can you consider taking up bass? We’ll throw Nakamoto on guitar -- the beautiful man always gets put on guitar.”

He pauses and throws his hands together. “Oh, I got it! Sasada and Saishi can totally be our managers, Kitoaji can be our professional vlog man -- someone is gonna wanna make a documentary about our touring days, right?! I could only imagine--!”

He stops himself, and his head drops, and his smile brightens. “I wonder how life would’ve been if we weren’t kidnapped. We would’ve been the best Japanese band ever -- touring worldwide, selling out every major venue. But now...now everything’s changed. I wanted to be famous. I wanted to get rich selling my music off to artists who couldn’t do it themselves, but...everything’s changed. I just wanna get my message out there, ya know? My story.”

He turns back to me, and shakes his head. “Sorry--went off on a tangent there. What about you Ken? What do you wanna do when we get out of here?”

…

What do I wanna do…?

I need to see them.

“I wanna see my family.”

Shiomi nods his head. “You got people out there you love?”

“My baby sister. Touka.”

She’s my best friend. The only person who I could truly confide in--

--well, not the *only* person. But...I still can’t remember who that other person was -- who was at the bench with me that night. I’m sure they were someone close to me, too, but...why can’t I remember who they were…?

“How old is she?”

“She’s fourteen. She’s practically the exact opposite of me -- popular, confident, loving. I...miss her so much.”

“Was she, ya know…?”

He leans forward as if I’m supposed to take his cue, but to be honest, I didn’t know.

“Was she taken by MonoMech, too?”

Ah, yeah. She was -- she’s watching us right now. She’s...watching us. It’s hard to remember that, with everything that’s going on.

My silence prompts Shiomi to continue. “My little brother...he’s here, too. He’s Touka’s age. I wonder if they’re together right now, watching us…” he pauses, and giggles to himself. “Maybe they’re hooking up like you and Kitoaji are.”

I chuckle. “We’re *not* hooking up, and your brother better be sweet -- no one’s taking Touka without my approval.”

He narrows his eyes -- he looks very reminiscent. I wonder if that’s how I looked when I spoke of Touka. “He’s my everything. We’re all we have, after all.”

I nod. “I understand.”

And, I do understand. Touka and I...we were inseparable. We were all we had. Dad was never there for us when we were little, and when he was home...well, he wasn’t pleasant. He left us right before mom got sick -- drank himself to death, and well, mom slept all the time. I don’t blame her; she was sick, after all.

So yeah, to say Touka and I relied on each other for *everything* would even be an understatement.

We stayed silent next to each other for a few moments, but Shiomi’s gentle smile soon returned to his face, and he elbowed me. “And you can’t lie to me anymore. I know for a fact you and Kitoaji are a token. You didn’t think I’d notice you two dropping formalities…?”

I shake my head. “Does that really matter? What about Yuka, Satoshi…?”

“Exactly!” he exclaims. “Everyone calls you, Yuka, and Satoshi by their first names -- so that doesn’t count. Only you and Yuka do it, and Yuka only does it because it sounds cute--! There’s some major affection going on, and I’m going to write a hundred songs on it!”

“H-Hey, come on now…”

“Azama and I are already placing bets on when you’re just gonna tell us about your affair! The sooner you do, the more money I win. Help a pal out here, Ken.”

You guys are betting on us…?!

I can only shake my head in disapproval -- and Shiomi’s gentle smile turns devious in turn. It’s...nothing compared to when Yuka gets angry, though.

Speaking of which, I wonder what she went to talk with Saishi about…I hope she’s okay.

I'd ask her, but...she probably wouldn't want to tell me; she went to Saishi after all. Still, it’s hard not to worry.

“Ah! That reminds me Ken, Azama & I are going to have dinner tonight a half an hour before the nighttime, care to join us?”

That’s...really late. I don’t see why I shouldn’t, though.

“Sure. Who’s cooking?”

“Me.”

…

Maybe I shouldn’t go then…

“Wh-What’s with that face…?! I’m a great cook, I’ll have ya know! I cooked all the time for my brother and he always loved it.”

I can only giggle a little as his face sports a look of offense. “Sorry, sorry, just joking around.”

His lips slowly curve upward, and he definitely looks more relaxed than before. It’s very...nice.

After spending a little bit longer with Shiomi, I retreated to my room for a bit. The silence and peace was nice, though only for a few minutes -- then they came back. My worries -- my thoughts of Nakata.

She was gone. She wasn’t coming back. She was being tortured right now, probably.

…

“I...can’t do this right now,” I mumble to myself. “I need to talk to someone.”

So, with that, I leave my room. I leave my room and I slowly walk down the hall and find myself in front of the dining hall. I peek my head inside and see…

...Obinata and Nakamoto, sitting with their backs to me at the closest table to the entrance. It’s been awhile since I spoke one-on-one with Obinata, and Nakamoto is always a joy to be around. Maybe I’ll join them…

“But, Obi-chi, you shouldn’t call it a game--”

“Nakamoto, a game is only fun when it’s worth playing, this one just so happens to be the ultimate game…”

There he goes, calling our situation a game again...maybe talking to Obinata and Nakamoto wouldn’t be the best idea right now. I need someone who’s peppy, who’s going to drag me around and take my mind off this exact situation…

The second I went to turn around though, a pair of arms wrapped themselves around my chest. It was...really sudden, and I probably would’ve jumped right out of my socks if the person didn’t have such a strong grip.

Well, okay, I did jump. But the person who held me kept me from jumping away and running to Obinata for help.

But then, a blonde hair falls in front of my face.

“This is why I *still* call you Rabbit, Rabbit. You get scared at everything.”

Satoshi also comes into view. “He did sorta get jumped a couple nights ago, Tomori…”

I’m not gonna argue with Tomori’s point -- even before that I was always jumpy. But, again, I can’t afford to think about it. “Are you feeling better, Satoshi…?”

He smiles and nods. “Yessir. Sasada came by and gave me some pink pill...said it’d help. And it did!”

…

That sounds so sketchy.

I look up and behind me at Tomori, whose bright smile refused to leave her face. “What’s got you so happy…?” There’s a small pause. “And can you please let me go.”

She shakes her head. “No can do, you’re coming with us.” Her grip tightens a little and she quickly drags me away from the dining hall doorway with Satoshi in tow. “This was Satoshi’s idea, by the way.”

I wince a bit. “Where are we going--I swear I’ll just walk with you.”

“Can’t say.”

“Don’t want you to have to faint on us. I’d rather carry ya than watch you collapse.”

So, Tomori practically lifts me off my feet by my chest, like a five year old bear-hugging theirr favorite doll, and continues on her trek to...wherever the two are taking me.

I honestly don’t even try to fight it or squirm my way out of it. I’m really not feeling up to exerting any more energy than I have to.

…

“Why are you walking backwards?”

“So it can be a surprise, Rabbit.”

“Can you even see where you’re going?”

Satoshi chuckles from her side. “That’s what I’m for, Ken.”

“You’re not gonna jump me, are you?”

I can hear Tomori dramatically gasp. “What kind of people do you take us for--?!”

I’m...not sure, honestly.

Satoshi giggles from beside Tomori once more. “Heyy, Kitoaji.”

I can hear the confusion in Rai’s voice as they walk around Satoshi & Tomori to greet me. “You catch a Ken?”

I only smile and close my eyes as Rai’s high-pitched voice fills our ears. “Hi, Rai. I missed you this morning.”

“Sorry Ken, wasn’t feeling well.”

Satoshi wasn’t, either. Is there a bug going around, or something…?

“Wanna come with us, Kitoaji? We were dragging Ken to go swimming with us.”

“I’d love to!”

“It’s like a double-date,” Satoshi dryly says. “Not that we’re actually dating, but, ya know, Tomori and I are a pair, you and Rai are a pair...”

Hmm, now that Satoshi mentions it, everyone has really broken off into pairs. Saishi & Sasada, Nakamoto & Obinata, Tomori & Satoshi, Shiomi & Azama, Rai & myself. Yuka’s a lone wolf, though -- er, well, more of a mouse. Though she does get along with everyone ‘cept Tomori...she even gets along with Obinata, which is kinda surprising. They’re polar opposites.

“What about you Sasada?”

…?

I hadn’t even noticed, but Sasada had joined us in the middle of the hallway. She stands beside Rai, looking at the trio of Satoshi, Tomori, and I.

“What about me?”

“Wanna come swimming with us?”

She looks away from us for a split moment but quickly comes back to us. “I...can’t swim. I’ll pass.”

Rai pouts. “You can, like, come still! We’ll have so so much more fun with you there.”

“You have anything else goin’ on…?” Tomori asks, and her grip around me tightens. “We even got Rabbit! You love Rabbit.”

Sasada sighs. “First of all, ‘Rabbit’ is an idiot, and secondly, I still can’t swim. There’s nothing for me to do then.”

…

“Hey was that an insult?!”

“What if I were to tell you I could swipe Shiomi’s dating sim?” Satoshi asks, and I can feel him smirk from here..

There’s a brief pause, before Sasada leans in. “Deal.”

With that, the five of us traveled to Shiomi’s room, and then went to the swimming pool on the third floor of the school and changed into the swimsuits found in the locker rooms. For Satoshi and I, we got a pair of dark blue swimming trunks, and Tomori got a one-piece suit of the same colour. Sasada didn’t bother changing and Rai disappeared for a short while and came back with a two-piece, swimming trunks and a water shirt that was wayyyy too big on them.

When Rai first came out I could’ve swore I heard Satoshi say something along the lines of, “We’ll never know, will we?!” I didn’t quite get it…

Still, Sasada now sits on the edge of the pool, with her sweatpants rolled up to her knees, dipping her feet in the deep end of the pool, playing with Shiomi’s dating sim. The four of us tread the warm water by her -- Satoshi and I are on either side of her, and Tomori and Rai stick close to us, too.

I keep myself close to Sasada -- er, it was her idea. Her exact words were, “If you go down, I need to be there to help,” I believe. I didn’t like it. It made me feel like a kid.

“Can I just say, we all have such cool talents,” Tomori says, nodding to herself. “Archery is badass, Gardening is kinda cute, Survival Games are fun -- I’ve been to a tournament once, and Screenplay Writing is amazing! Can you write me into a script one of these days? Most models become actresses anyway.”

Rai half-heartedly smiles. “S-Sure…”

Tomori nods to herself. “Perfect!”

“Anyways--”

Tomori’s swiftly cut-off from the sound of the white door opening to the pool, and our eardrums are greeted by a loud yell.

“That’s where you guys are--!”

I quickly turn my head into that direction to see Yuka -- in a dark blue one-piece -- happily skipping toward us.

“Hey Yuka,” Rai calls out, and, Yuka’s quick to jump in the water next to me.

She quickly latches herself onto my arm, and smiles brightly at us. “Rai-chan! Big Brother Ken!”

I only smile down at her, before she greets everyone else. “Satoshi-chan, Sa-chan! Hi!”

…

Oh, I get it.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, you’re mad at me,” Tomori says, sighing to herself. “I won’t say ‘I’m sorry’ again, though. I can deal with it.”

Satoshi sighs to himself. “Can’t we have a little bit of fun, please…?”

“Sure!” Yuka exclaims.

“Woah, Satoshi actually talks?” Sasada asks to herself, her eyes not once leaving the screen.

“Wh-What...?” Satoshi asks, tilting his head.

“Yeah Satoshi! Stop being a secondary character and join our ranks!”

“Secondary?!” he exclaims.

Oh God, not another fourth wall break.

Yuka nods to herself. “No matter how you look at it, you, Obinata, Saishi, Azama, and Shiomi aren’t really main status. It’s making me worried about your survival odds--!”

“Even Nakamoto’s ahead of me--?!” Satoshi asks, his eyes widening.

Yuka pauses, and her face then drops. “Wait--I’ve been getting a lot of development lately, does that mean I’m next?!”

“What are you talking about…?” Sasada asks.

Yuka ignores her and releases her grip on me, swimming closer to Rai -- who, in turn, backs away. “Rai-chan, you’re the Ultimate Screenplay Writer, right? Who do you think is next based on our edit?!”

Don’t entertain the fourth wall breaks, please...this is getting way too confusing,

Rai tilts their head though, and after a few moment of thought, shakes their head. “If I had to say, I’m safe cause I’ve been put on the back-burner lately. Yeah, Yuka, I’m sorry it looks like you’re the next to go.”

She gasps to herself, and jumps back on me. “Big Brother Ken, I’m gonna die next--!”

“Please don’t tease Yuka,” I say, patting her head ever-so-gently. “You’re not going to die Yuka, okay? Rai’s being a meanie.”

I hear Rai gasp. “Don’t be rude--!”

“It’s really like a couple with their child,” Tomori says to herself. “It’s...kinda creepy.”

I have elected to ignore that comment.

“Child?! I’m Big Brother Ken’s best friend--you’ll never find a stronger relationship than the one we have!”

You should’ve also elected to ignore it, Yuka.

“And we are NOT a couple.”

“The more you deny, the fishier it sounds,” Tomori says. “Just admit that you--”

“I don’t know what you’re about to say, but no,” Sasada interrupts. “Nothing Rated R. Nothing.”

Tomori frowns. “Fine.”

“I’m not...really gonna die, am I?” Satoshi asks to himself.

Oh god, he’s still on it.

I spent half of the day in the pool with that group; I don't wanna admit that I had fun, considering the situation we're in and that Nakata is...gone...but, it was a nice change of pace. It really was.

After parting ways with the pool group, I took a shower to rinse all that chlorine off of me, and took a few hours alone to myself.

Ah, it’s time for dinner with Azama and Shiomi, isn’t it? I guess I should start heading over to the dining hall. So, I threw on my white shirt and jeans and left my room. Ya know, I still don’t know why he invited me to dinner, but hey, why not?

“Ku-chan, great timing!”

I’m instantly greeted by a blurry Azama, who locks her arm is mine, and smiles brightly at me. Her whole head is...out-of-focus...did I forget to put my contacts in? “Shall we be on our way?”

I gently smile and nod my head. I let her lead the way as we begin our quick journey to the dining hall where Shiomi should be waiting.

“How was your day, Miss Azama?”

“Miss…? Why are you getting all formal on me, boy?”

“Must be that dress you’re always wearing.”

She pouts. “It’s all I have, Ku-chan. I mean, sure, a pair of gym shorts and a white tank too, but still. I have a reputation to uphold as the Ultimate Violinist.”

“You have a reputation?”

“If you weren’t injured right now, I’d kick your ass for that comment.”

I smirk to myself as we enter the dining hall, and we’re instantly greeted by the horribly disgusting smell of grilled vegetables. I should’ve known.

Shiomi stands at the table closest to the entrance, and smiles upon seeing our faces. He holds Tani’s camera up to his eye and slowly walks to us. “The two subjects have entered the building…!”

“Subjects?” Azama asks, releasing her grip on my arm and bending forward. “Who do you think you’re talking to like that?”

“He smirks to himself and steadily approaches us. If you were a song, I’d call you, Demon with Hazel Eyes.”

“Be nice to me, Shiomi. Right, Ku-chan?”

You have to bring me into it?

I take a step forward toward Shiomi and nervously tilt my head. “Please don’t get on her bad side. She gets really sad when she has to be the bad guy.”

“Ku-chan, you traitor…”

I ignore the glare I’m probably receiving as Shiomi places the camera down on the table. “Well, come eat, guys. I made it specifically for us three.”

Azama and I take our seats next to each other, and Shiomi sits in front of Azama. I...dislike vegetables, er, greens in general. I appreciate the thought Shiomi, but...broccoli? Cauliflower? Who even eats this stuff?

…

Yosano probably did.

“Ya know, I was thinkin’,” Shiomi begins, putting his fork in front of his face. “Well, um, I was trying to think...what if--”

Azama puts her hand up to silence him, and it surprisingly works. “Please don’t divulge into what if’s, Shiomi. If you start with that, you’ll end up thinking everything’s your fault.”

“But--”

“You too, Ku-chan. Don’t be stupid, stupid.”

She sighs to herself and crosses her arms. “I get it, ‘kay? I do. What if we knew something was up with Tani before? What if we tried to fight back? What if we tried to save Tani? Would any of this happened, would we still be living in harmony? The truth is, we’ll never know. So don’t let it consume you.”

Shiomi sighs to himself. “I appreciate the sentiment, but I was gonna just say that I had an idea.”

Azama tilts her head. “An idea?”

“Like, a, what if we trained Ken on the drums? I know I said bass before, but--”

That’s what you wanted to talk about…?

I’m…

...so done.

“Don’t look so disappointed, Ken--!”

Azama frowns, too. “I thought you were finally opening up to me, too…the food’s good, though.”

“Th-Thanks…” Shiomi says, rubbing his temples. “Fine. I’ll bail on the band for now. But tomorrow we’re coming up with a name for our group.”

Azama sighs, and, I can’t help but do the same.

That whole dinner sequence was...painfully awkward. Shiomi’s intentions are in the right place (I think?) and Azama is super sweet, but as a trio, we just don’t mesh. So when the nighttime announcement went off and we were kicked out of the dining hall, I was so grateful.

I said ‘good night’ and retreated back to my room, and after I locked the door and took my jeans off, I found myself in my bed. Today was slow, and I guess with everything going on that isn’t such a bad thing -- god, but Nakata…? She didn’t come up in Sasada’s investigation, I didn’t get to check in on Yuka, or Nakamoto or Obinata...I have such a horrid feeling in my gut and in my head that our nightmare here will only get worse.

I know I shouldn’t think like that, but as a group we’re becoming distant and our camaraderie is almost non-existant. Saishi’s trying his best, but everyone else just isn’t putting that effort in…

...there’s no way this is going to be a happy ending, right? For me, for Rai, for Nakata, for Saishi, for Sasada, for Obinata, for Yuka, for Nakamoto, for Azama, for Shiomi, for Satoshi, for Tomori...there’s no way we’re all going to make it out alive, happy, together…?

And Yosano, Tani, Shiho, Mio...they were all so defenseless when they were killed. They never even had the chance to make it out. Their sacrifices will be for nothing in the end, right--?

No, Ken, stop. Their sacrifices have to mean something. Even if it’s just one of us getting out of here -- they have to have mattered. Please.

Please.