Anguish & Desire/Chapter Twenty One

This is Chapter Twenty One of Danganronpa: Anguish &amp; Desire, Show Time!. In this chapter, someone goes missing and an investigation takes place! :o

Author's Note: MITTTTTTCH GOT A BODYYY BOUT A WEEK AGO

I don’t know what I expected when I woke up the morning following my attack, but I knew it wouldn’t be good.

Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was scared. I was scared we’d wake up and find Nakata sprawled out across the gymnasium floor, punished for trying to get me to read the book. Blood splattered everywhere, her eyes wide open...I couldn’t get the image out of my head.

But, no, I can’t lie to myself. I’m not an angel who solely cares about his friends -- no, that’s probably the furthest thing from the truth. I’m selfish. It’s not that I only want her to be okay, I want her to be safe because…

...Nakata comforts me. She makes me feel safe. She said she’d protect me.

“If anyone got the idea to become the blackened...who would you target?”

“You’re saying...they’ll kill me?”

“I’m saying it’s a possibility, but...I won’t let that happen.”

I’m the perfect target now. I was already attacked once. Sasada told me I ‘probably had a concussion’, and now I’m helpless -- just like Mio. What am I supposed to do now?

It’d be the same thing as when Yosano died. The people who--who want to help me -- who want to protect me -- always gets hurt.

Am I cursed?

…

“Good morning my precious students, it’s officially 7 A.M., so wake your butts up! Let’s give it everything we’ve got and make today another success!”

So, she didn’t come to wake me for practice at all…?

I--I don’t know why I’m even thinking about this. There’s no way Nakata could be hurt, right? She’s the Ultimate Mercenary after all. She probably fought off waves and waves of MonoMechs last night and is still sleeping. There’s no reason to panic.

And, I can’t afford that right now. If--If I begin to act up now, I’d look weak. And, more than that, we need a voice of reason. Saishi can’t do it all on his own. If we want to make it out of here alive -- all of us -- we need to work together. We need to come together to fight our real enemy, MonoMech.

…

For starters, I should go to the dining hall. If I was late for the third time in a row, Saishi would never let me hear the end of it.

So, I pick myself up off my bed…

...and immediately fall back down.

It’s not my fault--I just got very lightheaded and dizzy.

Still, I can’t not show up. So, again, I force myself to my feet, slip into my daily attire (and boy was getting my contacts in a process today) and exit my room. As I close the door behind me, a familiar voice calls out to me.

“Hey Rabbit,” Tomori says, plopping her hand on my shoulder. “On your way to breakfast?”

Her smile nearly brightens me, and, well...at least she’s happy. I hope everyone’s like that today.

“Yup,” I nod -- and, luckily, my throat’s feeling somewhat better. I have no one to thank for that besides Sasada. “How’d you sleep?”

We begin to walk and she throws her hands on top of her head, sighing to herself. “Like a baby. Models need their beauty sleep, you see? Though you youngin’s probably wouldn’t know.”

I sigh and look up (only slightly though! She’s not *that* much taller than me) at her. “You’re not that much older than me, Tomori,”

“Two years is a lot. You can’t even consent to sex yet, Rabbit. Must suck.”

Do you always have to be so crude…?

“Good thing I’m not shooting for anyone that’s that much older than, eh?”

“So you *are* shooting for someone...”

“That’s not what I meant,” I say, and before we get to the dining hall doors, someone else joins us.

“I see you’re still talking to that traitor.”

Oh boy…

“Morning to you too, Obinata,” Tomori says, her hand finding it’s way back upon my shoulder. “So, what’s the problem here? Rabbit has free will, don’t he?”

Obinata towers over us, narrowing his eyes. “You can let him speak for himself, Miss Tomori.”

…

My head hurts.

I’m not in the mood for this at all right now, but, it looks like I don’t have a choice…

“She’s not really a traitor,” I say, half-smiling to myself. “She’s--She’s shown she’s sorry for what happened.”

“Sometimes a ‘sorry’ doesn’t fix everything, Ken,” Obinata sighs. “If you want to associate with a killer, there is nothing more I can do.”

“Weren’t you the one who said you didn’t mind killing before?” Tomori asks, putting her hand on her hip. “Why are *you* the one judging me? If sweet, innocent, Rabbit and Satoshi can forgive me, surely someone with your…’knowledge’ can do the same.”

“They’re imbeciles -- besides, actions speak much louder than words.”

With that, Obinata walks in front of us and enters the dining hall.

Imbeciles.

Well, I can’t argue with him in that regard, I’m…

...I’m selfish. Stupid. Ugly.

“You’re looking pretty pale there, Rabbit. You sure you okay?”

I nod my head. “Y-Yeah, thanks…”

We’re quick to follow Obinata into the dining hall, and when we take our seats beside Saishi and Satoshi, we wait for everyone else to show.

Yuka, Rai, and Sasada are the next to join us, and Sasada sides beside me -- Rai diagonal from me, and Yuka beside them.

“Ken, you’re looking quite pale this morning,” Sasada says, and she steadily places her hand over my forehead. “Anything hurting?”

Everything.

“N-No Sasada, I’m fine,” I say, and I give her whatever smile I can force. I don’t know how convincing it was -- but I should’ve figured *they’d* say something.

“Ken, are you sick?” Rai asks, tilting their head. “You really don’t look well.”

“You can just say ‘ugly’, I won’t be offended.”

“Rai-chan is being mean to Big Brother Ken again!” Yuka yells out -- and, I’m reminded how loud she is. It...doesn’t make my headache any better.

And I know Sasada knows that, and she knows I know that, but we talked about it last night -- we can’t let anyone know about last night. Not unless absolutely necessary, aka if something were to happen to Nakata, but…

...Nakamoto sits in front of Obinata, who sits beside Saishi. Shiomi and Azama are also quick to join us.

Where is she…?

“Nakata-chi’s late, ain’t she?” Nakamoto asks, scratching his chin. “That’s odd, even for her.”

“She’s a merc, right? Aren’t following orders supposed to be her thing?” Tomori asks.

…

What if…

...just, what if…

One of the people here are the ones who attacked me. What if Nakata was wrong and someone had tried to kill me last night, and the book was taken away by MonoMech before I got there…?

Just the thought alone is left sending shivers down my spine. Those shivers turned my body cold, and I could feel my body begin to lightly shake.

“We shouldn’t begin with Nakata!” Saishi exclaims.

Ah, were they talking…?

“Where is she?” Azama inquires, resting her head on the table in front of her. “First Ku-chan skips out, then this…”

Tomori leans her head in, and she stares up at me. “Speaking of Rabbit, are you sure there’s nothing wrong with ya?”

Shiomi chuckles to himself. “He’s probably just tired -- which one of you woke him up this morning?”

I…

...can’t respond to them.

I want to deny their feelings of worrisome, but every time I go to speak my throat closes up.

“Ken came down with a cold last night,” Sasada says, coughing into her hand. “He came by my place last night and had been pretty out of it since then. I’d tell you more, but patient-doctor confidentiality, y’know?”

…

“Ah, of course, of course!” Saishi exclaims. “That explains a lot!”

I force myself to look up at the ten in front of me, and force a smile. And, I’m not an expert at reading others, but several of them looked...unimpressed, namely Obinata, Satoshi, Tomori, Azama, and Rai. It’s like they saw straight-through our cover story.

“Anyways, who should go wake up Nakata-chi?” Nakamoto asks. “I don’t want to be the one to do it, honestly. She scares me -- I never wanna see her angry, and waking up any sleeping girl is the one sure way to get yourself killed, right Satoshi-chi?”

“Why are you singling me out…?”

Nakamoto chuckles and throws his hand down on top of Satoshi’s shoulder. “You seem like the type of kid who was popular in school! You’re cute, sweet, and totally got some kind of aura about you.”

Satoshi tilts his head. “Th-Thanks, I guess…”

“I’ll go,” Rai says, standing up, and doing a little curtsey bow. “If you’ll excuse me…”

“I’ll come with,” I say, and, as I rise to my feet; I feel Sasada tug on my sleeve. When I look down at her, she doesn’t say anything, no she doesn’t have to. She looks up at me with these big eyes that scream: Be Careful.

It’s overshadowed by the sudden exclamation from Saishi.

“She deserves a lecture!”

Rai only nods. “I’ll let her have it!”

With that, Rai and I make our ways out of the dining hall, and before we’re out of earshot of the table, I hear Azama mutter the words:

“...this has all the feeling of a body discovery.”

As we exit the dining hall, Rai slowly leads me down to the dorm hallway -- and, I can’t even begin to explain the tension. I tried to call out their name, but...my voice wouldn’t come. If it did, would Rai have been able to hear me…?

“Ken, do you trust me?”

…

“I’m sorry…?”

Rai comes to a halt, and, likewise, I do the same. “Do you trust me?”

Rai turns around to face me, and they narrow their eyes. “I know you’re lying to us right now. Sasada can fake it pretty well -- you can’t.”

I know.

“So, do you trust me?”

I...do.

I trust you, Rai.

But the words won’t come.

Someone attacked me last night. They say it was the mastermind, but...how sure can we be?

Still, Rai watches me diligently -- and I can only find myself nodding my head. “What’s wrong, Ken?”

...everything.

“I’m scared, Rai.”

Rai takes a single step forward and the next thing I know, my collar is in their hand. “You can tell me what happened--you know that!”

“I know.”

“Then tell me--!”

“Why are you two fighting?”

Rai is cut off from a voice coming from behind me. A voice that belong to no one other than Kiyo Azama.

When I turn to face her, she stands their, her arms crossed, and...everyone else is with her. Sasada looks to the ground, and, that’s enough to tell me that they know at least *something* is up.

Obinata takes a step forward. “Go on, tell Kitoaji whatever you need to. I hope it’s something you don’t mind the rest of us hearing.”

“What are you two hiding from us…?” Tomori asks.

...

I only find myself turning back to Rai in front of me. Rai shakes their head. “It’s okay…”

“Ken was attacked last night.”

Sasada’s voice is silent -- but, there is no mistaken what she said. I guess...we’re breaking Nakata’s trust now, right?

“Attacked?” Shiomi asks. “What do you mean he was attacked?”

“Ken…?” Rai asks, and as their voice turns shaky...I feel as if I could pass out right then and there.

“Exactly as it sounds,” Sasada says, stepping forward next to me. “Somebody came up from behind Ken, and tried to hurt him.”

“W-Who would do such a thing--!” Saishi exclaims, and his hands curls up in a fist. “Which one of you tried to hurt Ken--!”

Yuka’s voice is next to ring out. Her voice was more...sinister than that I’ve heard before. “Who touched Big Brother Ken…? Who did it?!”

“It wasn’t any one of us,” Sasada says, putting her hands behind her back. “We have reason to believe it was the mastermind…”

“Why would they want to kill him…?” Nakamoto asks.

Satoshi is next. “Nakamoto, don’t be so insensitive! Ken, are you okay?”

I nod. “Only a scratch or two…”

“He’s in my care, so don’t worry about him,” Sasada says, inching her way between myself and the person closest to me -- Azama. “Nakata had found some information she refused to disclose regarding our situation here. She had attempted to give Ken some of it, and well...he was attacked.”

“What kind of information…?” Azama asks. “Is it something that could get us out of here?”

Tomori sighs. “Probably not. Knowing Nakata, she would have already gotten out -- she’s got that kind of skill.”

“Maybe she’s already gone, that’s why she hasn’t come back yet--!” Yuka exclaims, grabbing her cheeks -- her sinister voice now one of fear. “She left us to rot!”

“N-No, she wouldn’t--!”

My refutation goes interrupted by Nakamoto, who chuckles loudly to himself. “I’m with Ken-chi here! No way she’d do that! She’s like, madly in in love with you, after all.”

…

No she’s not…

...the rest of you just don’t understand.

“Well, why are we standing here then?” Obinata asks. “We’ll find out everything we know if we just go to Nakata’s room, no?”

“That’s right!” Saishi exclaims.

As everyone murmurs in agreement, they begin their walk to Nakata’s room. Rai, Sasada, Yuka, and Satoshi remain behind though, and the four of them are quick to surround me...it’s a bit over-whelming, even if all four of them are shorter than me.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Ken?” Satoshi asks, tilting his head.

“Yeah, Big Brother Ken!” Yuka exclaims, and she slams her palm into my back. Thank god Rai was holding me upright or I would’ve went toppling over right then and there. “Just yesterday you said you wouldn’t get hurt--!”

“I’m not hurt...I’m fine,” I say.

Rai puffs their cheeks out and turns away from me, releasing me in the process. “Lie to them, I don’t care, but don’t lie to me and expect me to not say anything.”

“Rai…”

“Don’t be mad at him,” Sasada says, tilting her head. “If we were to get you guys involved, the mastermind might’ve targeted you as well.”

“I don’t blame you guys,” Satoshi says, gently looking to the ground. “It...it was probably the smartest move.”

“But you got hurt--!” Yuka exclaims. “Someone has to pay!”

Sasada opens her mouth to continue, but she’s interrupted by a call coming from Nakata’s room.

“You guys need to come here--!” Nakamoto exclaims, his head just around the door. “It’s bad!”

It’s bad...?

So is Nakata--

“No discovery announcement,” Satoshi notes, as he slowly begins to walk toward Nakata’s room. “That counts for something.”

“Good call!” Yuka exclaims, trotting after the archer.

Rai, Sasada, and I follow the two in front of us, and...I’m not as scared as I probably should be.

There was no body discovery announcement. That means...she’s alive. Is she...hurt?

The first thing I’m greeted by as I follow Rai into Nakata’s room is the sight of my fellow classmates slowly walking around and examining the room. Her room is...quite frankly, a mess. Her bed sheets are cut up -- as if someone attacked it with a knife -- and there’s a hole in the wall above her dresser.

“Nakata…?”

My voice calls out to her, faintly, but there’s no response. Of course there isn’t.

“She isn’t here?” Rai asks, and Azama steps out of her bathroom.

“No sign of her in here.”

“Then...where could she be?” Satoshi asks, leaning back against the wall behind him. “Did--what’s going on?!”

“She was attacked,” Obinata says, circling around her bed. “If Sasada and Ken were telling the truth, then we know by who.”

“Thanks, Captain Obvious,” Tomori sighs, placing her hand on her hip. “If she’s not here, then we need to check out the rest of the school, right?”

Shiomi steps up. “I’ll go check the gym. I’ll stop by the laundromat on my way there and see if she’s not just doing some laundry.”

“I’ll take the girls locker room!” Yuka exclaims.

Nakamoto stands next to her. “Just in case, I’ll check the men’s locker room and pool.”

“I’ll take the classrooms on this floor!” Satoshi says, his eyes closed as he nods to himself.

“I’ll do the second floor, then!” Saishi exclaims. “We’ll find her!”

“Third floor is mine,” Obinata says.

“I’ll investigate her room some more,” I say -- though I don’t really know if anyone else hears me.

“I got the sauna and bio lab I guess,” Tomori mumbles.

“Nurse’s Office, here I come,” Sasada says, turning away from me. “She’s gotta be somewhere.”

With that, Saishi dismisses us, and everyone begins their own investigations. So, I -- and Rai -- begin to wander around Nakata’s room, looking for clues.

I kinda feel bad going through her things, but...if anything can help me find her, then I don’t care. So, I first go through her drawers -- and besides her small amount of clothes, there’s nothing really of note.

My attention then goes to her bed -- which Rai is currently peaking under -- and I strip her sheets off her mattress, but alas, nothing. Nothing in the pillowcases, nothing.

…

“What’s this mask?”

I hadn’t noticed Rai come out from underneath the bed, and in their hands, rested a mask that was painted red and blue…

...the same one the attacker used to attack me.

B-But that makes no sense. Why would the mask be under Nakata’s bed…? Did the mastermind put it underneath her bed after he attacked her?

“Ken, do you recognize it?”

Rai’s on their knees, looking up at me expectantly. “Y-Yeah, sorry. Whoever attacked me last night wore that mask.”

“I see…” Rai mumbles, frowning to themselves. “...to think you ignore me all day yesterday, and then you go and get yourself attacked…”

“I didn’t ignore you--I didn’t even see you once!”

Rai’s frown dissipates into a more neutral expression. “I know.”

There’s a brief pause, and Rai rises to their feet. “I’m sorry. I know I *should* be the bigger person, but...I’m just scared right now. I do trust you -- don’t think I don’t -- but I don’t want to see you hurt...so let me be mad.”

I only nod -- there’s nothing much else I can say at this point anyway.

“I also found this,” Rai says, and I hadn’t even noticed Rai was holding a small book in the hand opposite the one holding the mask. “I assume this is the information Nakata was holding onto, correct?”

Rai hands me the small black notebook, and...there’s a voice in my head saying ‘open it’. Just to make sure it is the notebook Nakata was holding onto, but...if it is, she’ll die right…? No one else can open this without her being hurt.

But, why does she have it…? Didn’t she say it was taken after I was attacked?

Why is the mastermind doing this…?

“So, what is it?” Rai asks, taking a sit on Nakata’s bed. “Or, are you just not gonna open it?”

“I...don’t wanna open it,” I say, shaking my head. “If it is what I think it is, it could get Nakata hurt…”

“...if she’s not already.”

Rai finishes what I couldn’t, and I simply sit in front of them on the floor. “I know you’re going to think I’m crazy for not reading this, but...I want us to get out of here together. If Nakata is out there, and someone does read this, MonoMech will punish her--I don’t want that to happen.”

It...hurts to get the words out. And, I try to force them out but I don’t even know if they sound right. I don’t know if Rai even understands what I’m saying or if everything is too slurred.

Rai gently smiles to themselves. “I don’t think you’re crazy, Ken. I just think that makes you you. You’re putting Nakata’s safety over your own survival, and I love that about you...it just worries me that if you continue to that, you’ll end up letting yourself get hurt.”

I nod and bring my head to my knees. It just hurts so much. Everything just hurts. The thought of Nakata being dead, the sharp pain plaguing my head, the aching of my throat...it all just hurts so much.

I feel Rai’s hand start to run through my hair. “So, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

I hear Rai sigh before whispering in my ear: “Sure, keep telling yourself that.”

Everyone soon returned from their respective investigations and we all met back in the dining hall.

“No one found anything--?!” Saishi asks, frowning to himself. “No sign of here--nothing?!”

“No,” Satoshi says to himself, looking down at the table below him. “Nothing.”

“Where could she have possibly gone?” Azama asks. “It’s not like there’s a lot of places to hide.”

…

Well, Yuka, Rai, and I made hide and seek work when we had only unlocked the first two floors, so…

...what was the point again?

“Maybe she really did escape!” Yuka almost screams. “She left us to rot!”

“What--did she fake her own death, too?” Tomori asks, sarcastically leaning forward to no one in particular. “A lot of effort just to prove nothing to us, don’t ya think?”

“That’s big talk coming from someone who tried to deface Big Sister Chie,” Yuka pouts, and I find her head resting on my left elbow. “Murderer.”

“I really don’t care,” Tomori says. “I already admitted what I had to.”

“Doesn’t. Change. A. Thing.”

“Guys, please focus on this issue at hand,” Sasada mumbles. “So, we really don’t know anything, right?”

Shiomi nods to himself. “That’s what it looks like…”

“Y’know, why don’t we just ask Mono-chi…?” Nakamoto asks. “I mean, it’s not like he has reason to lie right now.”

Actually, yes he does. He has so many reasons to lie right now.

But, like he was waiting for someone to drop his name, MonoMech appears out of nowhere, and he jumps up and down on the table on the end opposite me. “Someone called me! Finally--it’s been like, so long since I’ve been a chapter where I’m not facilitating a trial!”

“A...chapter…?” Satoshi asks. “Why don’t you say anything that makes sense--?”

“So, why was I called?! Did someone finally get the balls to confess their love to the one and only MonoMech?!”

“N-No…” Sasada says to herself.

“Why would you even think that?” Rai asks, tilting their head.

“Oh, c’mon! Who doesn’t love a cute mascot character like myself?”

I’m not sure if ‘cute’ is the word I’d use…

“Just spit it out, Mono-chi!” Nakamoto exclaims.

MonoMech jumps back off the table and -- for a brief moment -- looks panicked. “What did I do this time?!”

“Don’t play dumb!” Yuka exclaims next, and this time she wraps her arms around mine. “You attacked Big Brother Ken--!”

“Wh-What?!” MonoMech exclaims, jumping up and down in place. “I didn’t attack Ken! I had nothing to gain from killing the eye-candy--! If he did read that notebook, I’d get to kill that creepy, scary, Madoka chick, so I would’ve let him read that stupid notebook!”

Huh…?

Nakamoto gasps. "Wait--Ken-chi's the eye-candy?! What is my purpose in the story then?!

...that's what you took out of that?

“You...didn’t?” Rai asks.

“Then...who did?” Sasada asks.

“You guys should already know the answer to that, no?!”

Wait…

...no, he can’t mean…

...all the things we found in her room, they weren’t just planted there by MonoMech…?

That really means she...she did it?

“Nakata attacked me…?”

As the words left my mouth, my entire body felt weak -- I felt sick to my stomach for even saying it, but...MonoMech erupts into laughter. And his laughter tells me everything I need to know in this moment.

“But, why--?” Sasada asks. “Why did she do that?”

MonoMech shrugs his shoulders. “Who knows?! Either way, she needed to be punished like Mio was for attempting to break the rules! So, she’ll stay with me for a while, ‘kay?!”

“You can’t do that--!” Saishi exclaims. “I politely, and formally, request you bring her back to us--!”

“Request denied.”

“She didn’t break the rules though,” Shiomi says. “So, why are you holding her…?”

MonoMech begins to stomp his foot on the ground repeatedly as he squints his weird, robotic eyes. “If the rules are broken, I get to kill whoever broke them! But, if there was an attempt to break the rules, then I’d have to find another way to punish you. It’s not hard.”

“Why are these rules even here, though? They can be broken if you just say, ‘it’s for a murder,’ right?” Obinata asks. “That’s exactly what you said during Tani’s trial.”

“Do you *really* have to start looking at the plotholes?” MonoMech asks, his voice turning from that of sinister, to annoyance. “It doesn’t matter! I make the rules and can bend them as I see fit!”

As if he was going to respond, Nakamoto’s mouth opened, but MonoMech is already turned to the dining hall exit. “Anyways! I have a date with a captive soldier, I’ll talk to you guys later.”

After MonoMech takes his leave, the eleven of us decided to stay in the dining hall together, and eat a dinner prepared for us by Saishi, Satoshi, and Sasada. Though...I could only stare at the greens and rice in front of me...I couldn’t force myself to say anything.

And I wasn’t the only one.

It impresses me how a lot of these people can just...go on as if nothing happened after something like this happens. But I couldn’t. Sasada couldn’t. Rai couldn’t.

Why was everyone able to just move on like this…?

More than that, she really did do it…? Nakata was the one who grabbed me by the throat, who smashed my head against my wall.

I know that...she didn’t intend to kill me. She’s the Ultimate Mercenary for a reason, but--that doesn’t make it any hurt less.

I feel betrayed.

Satoshi sighs to himself as he pokes and prods at his food. He sits directly to my right, and as I turn to face him, he opens his mouth to speak.

“Do you think she’s okay…?”

“I...don’t know.”

“All we can do is speculate, right?” Azama asks. “If that’s the case...I’m gonna speculate she’s regretting keeping all this information from us.”

Satoshi frowns to himself. “S-Seriously…? That’s your big takeaway…?”

“She wouldn’t have done it if she didn’t think her life was in danger,” Nakamoto says with a mouth full of food...it’s kinda unsettling. “I mean, I would classify myself as an expert people person, and there was just something about her that seemed genuine. I’m sure when she gets back to us we’ll see that.”

“She’s a traitor, that’s all there is to it,” Obinata says. “She’s like Tomori, only I can excuse Nakata’s behavior because logically, sharing that information would’ve ended in her death, correct?”

Tomori only chuckles at Obinata’s remark, and she throws her arm around Satoshi. “I’m a traitor, you hear that? First it was Sasada, now me! You better watch out, or next he’ll start calling you the traitor for hanging out with me.”

“Traitors will die -- that’s the name of the game.”

“That’s a harsh way of putting it,” Shiomi says, scratching his neck.”

“Ken, do you really want her back with us?” Obinata asks, adjusting his glasses, as his gaze turns to me. “She did attack you, didn’t she?”

Yes, she did, but…

“I need to know why she did it.”

Is it stupid that I miss her already -- that I still feel like I need her? I know she attacked me, I know she...hurt me, but something seems really off about everything.

Why would she attack me? She knows that I...I care about her a lot, so if she was having second thoughts about me reading the book or if she was scared that she’d die...she could’ve came to me! She goes on and on about protect me, but, why wouldn’t she let me return the favor?

After barely touching my food, I found myself in the Nurse’s Office with Sasada, sitting on one of the beds as she went through the medicine cabinet beside me.

…

We hadn’t spoken much, at all, since we found out Nakata had gone missing, which normally isn’t all that unusual for Sasada -- she doesn’t really like talking in big groups -- but, we’ve gotten close recently. I...thought that I’d be able to talk to her, or she’d have been able to do the same.

I don’t like the silence all that much.

“Sasada, what are you looking for?”

She doesn’t turn to me, nor does she even acknowledge my question for a few moments. “Something that’ll help with your lightheadedness...ah, here it is.”

After she says that, she pulls a bottle of medicine out of the cabinet, and sits beside me. “Take one of these, it should help.”

I nod, and, honestly -- I can’t read the label. Maybe I need new prescriptions, or maybe it’s the concussion, but it’s kinda pathetic now… “What is it…?”

“It’s just motrin,” she says, and like that, we fall back into a silence.

A silence that lasts a minute, then two, then four, then eight...and, I was honestly getting ready to just thank her and go to bed when she decided to open her mouth again.

“Do you know how I found you last night?”

I slowly shake my head. “No.”

“I was getting ready for bed last night when there was a knock on my door. I thought it was Shiomi returning his Vita to me so I can play that dating sim of his, but...no one was there when I opened it. Instead, I saw your foot sticking out of your doorway. I panicked and I ran to the only person I thought I could trust with this -- Nakata -- and I had her carry you to my room. I know she trusted me enough and wanted me to find you now, but...do you think that was part of her plan? That I’d go to her for help? I...can’t stop thinking about it.”

Sasada shakes her head and forces a smile in my direction. “I...want to help everyone. I want to be able to get out of here with everyone, but losing Nakata…”

I have to interrupt. “She’s not dead, Sasada.”

“We don’t know what’s going on with her right now--but it’s made me realize something important. I sit here and say ‘I want to get out of here with everyone’, but I can’t even force myself to look at Nakamoto or Azama or Shiomi anymore. I can’t do it. It’s not even like I hate them, it’s just...everytime I want to approach them, I’m reminded of Shimazaki--someone who was in my care.”

She pauses, and she shoves her face in her hands. “I can’t save everyone.”

Sasada…

I slowly place my hand on her shoulder...I’m not the best at comforting people. With Rai and Yuka it’s easy, because they just want someone to be there -- they don’t care if you don’t have anything to say, but I don’t know how to help Sasada.

“Sasada, you can’t start thinking that way now. You’ve been trying really hard -- harder than everyone else here.”

“I know,” she says, pulling her hands away from her face. “I don’t want you to misconstrue this though, I know I can’t save everyone, but...that’s not gonna stop me from trying. It's just, if I acknowledge that I can't save everyone, maybe it won't hurt again if someone does leave us. I will persevere...I have to get out of here, after all.”

“Then, together, right…? We’ll make it out together?”

She nods her head. “My mom is going to be ecstatic to meet all of my new friends.”

I...can’t help but giggle just a little bit at that. I really needed that.

“Have I not told you about her…? Well, you wouldn’t know it by just meeting me -- since I have the charisma level of an octopus -- but my mom is the funniest person you’ll meet…”

So, until the MonoMech announcement rang, I stayed with Sasada in the Nurse’s Office talking about our families. She told me about her mom and her sister, the Ultimate Biologist, and I told her about my little sister and my mom, too. It was a nice...distraction from everything that was going on.

And, when the nighttime announcement rang, we went back to our respective rooms, and I found myself alone again, in my own thoughts -- about Nakata.

I couldn’t help but think that the mastermind was...doing horrible things to her as I rest in my own bed.

On the same token, I couldn’t help but question why. Why did she hurt me like she did…? She--she’s said before that she’d only kill if she felt her life was in danger, but, it wasn’t. I wouldn’t have betrayed her like that. I really wouldn’t have...

Those thoughts and my anxiety only lasted for an hour that night -- which might be a new record for when I get like this -- and I fall into a deep, very...nostalgic slumber.

I sit in our classroom, gazing somberly out of the window as I listen to my other classmates -- my fellow Ultimates talk amongst each other.

Chie and Yuka talk about who-knows-what, and Obinata converses with Mi-chan and Ko-chan. The only other person in the classroom is the boy who sits in front of me -- Yoichi Shiho, the Ultimate Pianist.

We...really didn’t get along well. It’s not that he was mean to me -- no, not like the kids in my old high school -- but we just didn’t talk or mesh well at all. At first he seemed kinda like me, full of anxiety and worries, but after a week of classes with him, his confidence seemingly went through the roof, and he really only talks to Obinata and Tani now. He totally threw away his chance with Azama, who was totally crushing on him, too.

Shiho and Azama would’ve made the most musically gifted babies ever.

Anyway, I hadn’t even noticed he was calling out my name until his hand smacked down on my desk -- the thud nearly made me jump out of my seat.

“Kijmuta,” he states, and my eyes finally meet his. “You alive?”

“Y-Yeah, sorry,” I say, scratching the back of my neck. “Did you want something?”

“Nah, I don’t want anything,” he says, sighing to himself. “I got a piano recital coming up soon, and I was going to invite everyone in the class, would you be down?”

Ooh, really…?

“Really? You wouldn’t mind if I came?”

He clicks his tongue. “Why would I mind? You’re a decent, well-mannered person -- we might have to fit you into a dress though, I only have so many suits on me. Oh, but, you won’t see me inviting any of our upperclassmen though, they’re fucking out there. Geez, if there’s one thing I can’t stand about you Kijmuta, it’s that you always question whenever someone says anything decent about you.”

Well, at least he’s honest.

“So, you coming? I’ll have a tux ready for it -- just let me know your size.”

I nod -- and let myself smirk. “What, going back on the dress thing already?”

“If you’re really into it we can have that arranged, but we’d need to stuff your chest out. There’s going to be a camera on the audience at all times and we need to at least make you look good then.”

He actually took me seriously--!

I only find myself lightly chuckling. “A suit’s fine, don’t worry. I’ll totally come though, don’t even worry about it.”

He nods to himself and smiles lightly. “I gotta show ‘em what an Ultimate is made out of!”

I...love our class. I love this school. I just want these peaceful, fun days to last forever.

It would be bliss.