Life As Devious/Episdoe 3

Okay so what up mothafuckas today it be nice and happy around DA devious mansion cuz today it be the birthday of Mali all up in hear! Everybody joined up in DA devious dinner table for a quiet ceremony cuz Mali likes silence and is classy and shit. Mali joined by his devious bros KP n PBR (who is supposed 2 b out rescuin Eva but ig that can happen next episdoe idk), all 3 of KP's hoes, his hoe wyef Olivia n his 4 blak n wyet kids. Today DA devious King Mali turn 1 yr younger cuz he can age however da fuk he want cuz he Mali.

Mali cake has an erotic printing of Haley Kiyoko nudes cuz they be DA most devious thing 2 put on a caek. The cake is tres leches and strawberry flavor 2 match dat vag ayee

2day Olivia actin like a normal housewyf and not a high maintenance hoe like she always b bc Mali bday. Mali's kids all behavin n shit 2 cause dey respect their black daddy 2dey.

Mali be like "Man thank you guys I just enter 1 day of calm silence. Y'all drive me crazy every other dey with y'all bs, cept u my devious bros" PBR and KP tip they hats in recognition n shit whatever the fuck all this proper grammer be doin.

KP be like "fosho mayn we finna make your day special" and PBR agree sayin "yeah man fuk u Skype btw"

Olivia be like "you won't have to fuk this vag tonite either Bb dunt wurry" Olivia say "n u can be the high maintenance h03 today if u want" Mali reply "yeah I'm gud"

Mary be like "Dad for ur bday gift my sis and I bought Virgin Club back from DA devil for 2day, so today the only hoe in DA house is milfzr uncle PBR" Courney be like "yeh dad we not disgracin u by being hoes 5day" Mali smile cuz this day be perfect af so far

Dudley be like "dad I got A+ on chemistry n all I had 2 was creampie my teacher" Mali shrug n be like "whatever I'll take it"

Ashton be like "dad I'm p much the same 2day so cuz am n shit I made you another transformer for DA devious army" Mali eyes tear up cuz he feel like a proud father "thank you my son" he say

and then Zed, who be Mali's kool aid dealer, coem bustin in "is true u no sippin DA purple stuff cuz we be bustin" Say Zed n he throw 69 packets of grape kool aid at Mali 4 bday present "grip n' sip" Zed say b4 he leav

Mali day a perf bday n nothing culd go rong.

UNTIL DA WYETEST SHADE OF LOPSIDED TITTIES, HANNAH FLEETWOOD, SHOW UP WITH AN ARMY OF FLAT ASSED N FLAT CHESTED WYET GIRLS LIKE MARANDA CUZGROVE N VICKY CUMMINGS

"Mali today u die all 4 the glory of Dolan!" Hannah scream n she shoot Mali in DA chest with a sumthin racist bullet liek idk I guess Rodney King beatings or sum shyt

Olivia stand up all anger "bitch 2day was his free day so imma do sumthin 4 my hubby 4 a change" n Olvia drop kick the fuck outta Hannah while KP samurai slices the rest of the hoes into subatomic particles and PBR shoot Vicky away with his d cannon

"TEAM RATCHET IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" And they disappear into da horizon n then they b a twinkle in DA Sky.

Mali aliv cuz u cant kill Mali n becuz he can becum intangible at will n shit cuz he DA baddest of pimps so the ghey bullet go rite thru him. "Man that was a waste of Rodney King racism" Mali say. All is well wit da world.

Happy Bday Mali