Beyond My Choices/Issue 11

Issue 11 - Personal
Kyle

'''It’s been about a few days since we’ve been here, although I feel like no one actually knows I’m here. I suppose I can’t really get mad, I’m the only one from stopping myself from being social. But, I have reasons. I started getting into this book called The Hunger Games. Dad always liked it; tried to get me to read it but at the time I was too busy playing Halo. I start to feel regret as I feel like someone is constantly holding their arms pushed up against my neck. Regret. I feel it because he never got to witness my enjoyment in reading, but even I know there was nothing I could do to save him.'''

'''Two years into the apocalypse, and somehow we all have made it. I look to the left, and a smile dawns on my face as my parent’s cherish their love with each other. Now in these days we don’t often have time to show our feelings. Gunshots fire off, and my heart begins to race. Out of curiosity, I run towards our boarded up window. There’s not much of a chance to catch a glimpse as my eyes must travel a mini-maze until I spot a few figures. Black masks cover their face which I can’t see, but I can see their hands. No telling what color they’re but it’s too dark, not much I can expect. My Father stands up, and shoves me aside. It’s a little unexpected, but this is something not even a 15 year old can deal with.'''

“Get your Mother.” My father says in his rough monotone voice.

“Why, is there something wrong?”

“Yes, now get your Mother, we need to leave.”

'''I’m able to catch one last look through the window, as I see the man are going from one house to another, as each house goes from bones to ashes. Orange lights the sky. Within seconds I race against time, the only thing holding me back. I burst into a room, as I noticed my Mother reading a book. I can’t help but stop as I try to get a glance of the title. It reads “The Hunger Games”. My Mother stares at me with a confused look on her face. I choke, as I don’t know how to get the words out, but just by my reaction my Mother is already making her way out of the room. '''

'''All three of us sit inside our temporary home. From the corner of my eyes, I see my door get kicked down as if God came to punish us. My Mother and I hide in fear, as we rush back towards the room. My Dad isn’t as lucky. My Mother lifts up the window and within seconds sees out fully aware of my Father’s absence. I climb along the edge of the window, and I see my Dad with an axe creating a gaping hole inside of his flesh.'''

'''Terrified, I choose to see no more. Behind him, a man comes to retrieve the axe which he built into my dead Father. I choose to look away, but before I get the chance we come eye to eye. It’s too late now to look away, as I stand still curious what he’ll do next. He does nothing. His eyes look much similar to my Mom’s whenever she feels guilt. It’s a refreshing moment until my Mother tugs on me. I knick my head towards her, and I can already tell I’ll be having aches upon my head. I stare one last time at the man, but he’s gone. '''

--

Bradley

'''I can’t help but have a grind. Especially since the wind has tone down some. I look behind me, and Tom and Dante are already getting there fishing gear packed up in the back of the jeep. I suppose it’s my turn to begin as well; especially if I want Dante sober while he’s cleaning out the fishes. I’m sure no one wants to actually eat any human skin or even a thumb. '''

'''I grab all of my gear, and make my way towards the jeep. I look to the right corner, and can’t help but smile at the cooler that hold the seven fishes. We’ll probably won’t be able to get them all skinned, but at least I know we’ll be good for another two rough days. I head to the driver seat to see Dante and I’m even surprised. I open the door and stare at him blankly.'''

'''“Alright dude, you got to get out. You’re way too intoxicated to even be driving.” I say. He stares at me blankly, until it finally gets awkward. The silence is broken with a laugh from Dante, and even Tom whom I never seen like this before. “Yeah, I forgot.” Dante stumbles out of the driver seat but catches himself using his body. Dante drags himself slowly, until he finally enters the jeep. I look beside me, and Tom Is already knocked out. I tap on his shoulder, and his eyes widen.'''

'''“Wait until we get back to sleep man. We don’t have anything but a three minuet drive to get back.” I say.'''

“Fair enough.” Tom says as he shrugs his shoulder.

<p class="MsoNormal">'''I start the engine, and begin searching around the car. It’s been a while since I last drove a car. I then notice a logo with shows a person sitting in the natural position, with what looks like fire under the seat. I press it acknowledging I have no idea what it is going to do. I begin driving, as I pull up it’s a rough start, but everyone just laughs it off; although I have to force myself to laugh. I pull up, and I can already feel the after-math of parking near such rocks. The ground is rough and grumpy, but I somehow manage to get myself out of there. I’m back on the road, and I stare at the sky, instead of the road. It’s peach fuzz, with a dash of Strawberry lemonade. Just like I like it, smooth and calm. All of the feels add up all in once, once the seat warmers turn on. This is amazing, but I turn it off knowing that gas is valuable these days.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''I come to a stop in front of the bar, but decide to pull it up on the side of the roof. I exit out of the vehicle, and make my way towards the trunk. I can hear a faint knock upon the rigid door. I don’t bother to turn around, as I’m only worried about the cooler. I guess everyone mentally decided its best just to leave the fishing gear inside the jeep. '''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''I now hold the cooler, which I carry relentlessly; don’t worry I know when I’m being too hardcore or not. The door opens and I follow behind the two patches of brown hair which are in front of me. The door shut, and everything still looks the same. My opinion changes as I look over towards the window. They’re boarded up as if someone meant business; business as in to KILL. I head to the bar and set the fishes inside the fridge even though it’s powered off. I take a set at one of the stools, as I begin to nudge my forehead with my middle finger, and my thumb as a rest is well needed for my beat body. I close my eyes until a voice pops up. A voice I don’t want to hear. “What’s up with those two?” Jackson asks. “Beer” I responded. '''

<p class="MsoNormal">“Y’all catch any?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“We caught more than enough amazingly.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“That’s great, how many?”          

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“Seven… I have a feeling this isn’t the reason why you’re over here to talk to me, is that true?” I stare him in his eyes, and he doesn’t return looking back. “Yea, you’re right. I actually came over because… Well Jay flipped, and he went to the bathroom. I tried to open the door, and see if I could talk to him but he wouldn’t budge.”'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“What do you mean he flipped? Is he okay?”'''

<p class="MsoNormal">“I don’t know, that’s why I was wondering if you could talk to him.”

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“Of course” I stand up and begin walking towards the door without saying another word to Jackson. I automatically assume it’s about Chanel, but it’s unusual for Jay to throw such a childish tantrum like this.'''

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center;tab-stops:143.3pt">***

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center;tab-stops:143.3pt">Jay

<p class="MsoNormal">'''The room is pretty damn damped, and the lights make everything just that more depressing. It shines dark blue, as the lights reflect off of the dawn blue walls. It’s kind of cool in a way, which is probably why I always wanted to become an astronomer, and study at the stars. I hear a knock on the door, and immediately rest my head against the wall. “Fucking Jackson” I mutter under my breath to myself.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''The knocking continues, but eventually it stops. I blow the aggravated air that cleans through my lungs as I close my eyes. “Jay, it’s me Brad.” I stare at the door. “Look just let me in and we’ll talk.” I hear Bradley say. I wish his commend, and I unlock the door. I head back to the same position, and knowing Brad he always likes to wait thirty seconds. He opens the door, and locks it behind him. The face he makes isn’t a satisfying one, but what does he expect when he sees a gun lying next to me on the floor. He sits down, and for the next few minutes we sit alone. I’m brave enough to say the first words.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">“So, how fishing go?” 

<p class="MsoNormal">“Really fine, caught some fish… Made sure we’ll all eat for the next two days.” 

<p class="MsoNormal">“Good shit, been the only good thing I’ve heard all days.” 

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“That’s good, makes me feel productive.” He smiles similar to my Dad. The only other people that can help me get through tough times. Then I remember he also had a brother, so he knows how times are.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">“Yea, I’m surprised you haven’t asked me about what happened.”

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“That’s because I know you man, you aren’t afraid to say it yourself. Makes my job easier.”'''

<p class="MsoNormal">“Fair enough, anyways I guess that’s why you’re here?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Half and half, mostly because you’re my homie”

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“Homie? Eww, just something about that word I don’t like.” Both of us laugh.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">“Fine, you nigger” We both laugh, as I blow out a steam of moodiness.

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“Anyways, this is just so unusual of me you know? Like truth is, I haven’t made love to someone within the past two years, and I finally do with Chanel.” I stare at Bradley in the eyes, and he doesn’t blink. I continue since I know for sure he cares. “And now that I have, I grew feelings for her, but there’s a barrier between me and her man. She keeps acting like nothing is here, but I know there is, there’s some kind of hope and light at the end of the tunnel, and I see the way she looks at me.”'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“I’ll be strait forward with you because I love you man.” I nod my head, as I give him the go ahead. “Anyways, too me, I see something because it’s clear she has some feelings with you man. Now, I see where you coming from, but the only advice I can give to you that’s worth using is talk to her yourself man, put her on the spot.”'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“I just don’t understand how putting Chanel on the spot would do anything? I mean I don’t want it to seem I’m forcing her to get with me, because I want what she wants right, but the fact she treats me like shit, and has a constant grudge against me is just fucking stupid.”'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“Well put her in a place, where she can’t answer. That’s all I can say man.” He chuckles. '''

<p class="MsoNormal">“What’s so funny?”

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“It’s just amazing how far we have come man. It seems like in two days we went from talking about how we’ll beat eat other asses on 2k, and the next day we’re having woman problems.”'''

<p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah, I suppose so; we have a bunch of crazy.” I respond.

<p class="MsoNormal">“You remember that one Christmas Eve when your Father got mad because you and your sister decided to come and hang out at the ball park, so he called the police?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Hell yea, which was pretty damn awesome man, especially when Landan called it off!”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah, those were the days weren’t they?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah, I miss it.”

<p class="MsoNormal">--

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center;tab-stops:143.3pt">Kyle

<p class="MsoNormal">'''I wake up after taking a nap; mostly due to Dante falling dead upon the booth. I look on the table where I grab my book. Chapter 11 it reads. I like to think of myself as if I was in the story myself. If I was with someone I loved, I couldn’t ever think of how I’ll be able to survive without them. I guess I can’t say much, because I never had a girl-friend. I could make an exception, since I grew up around my parents. I over at the bar and I set the book down. I get rid of the big lump in my neck and walk over to the bar where a half drunk and half sober Dante sits.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“What sup kid?” Dante holds a knife which he begins to scrape the scales off of the dead fish. “I’m not a kid.”'''

<p class="MsoNormal">“Then what should I call you?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Kyle.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“I meant things as in female, male, man I don’t know.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Man.”

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“Alright then man” He says it in a sarcastic voice. I don’t take much bother to it as I’m aware he’s drunk.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">“What are you doing?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Skinning, I could use some help you know.” 

<p class="MsoNormal">“I would like to, but I don’t know how to.”

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“I’ll teach you.” He smiles. “Here, hold this knife” He holds the knife, which I look at him worried. I grab it. “Here catch” He says. He tosses a fish up, which I catch with an ugly face.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“Now, all you’ll have to do is just smoothly scrape the skin off of the fish like this.” I watch as he scrapes the fish skin, but I can’t bear to try to smell his breath. I follow his order, and I can’t but think that this isn’t too bad.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">--

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center;tab-stops:143.3pt">Bradley

<p class="MsoNormal">'''Next to Jay I see a gun. “What were you going to do with that gun?” I ask. “I would say kill myself, but I know I’m just exaggerating, I would never kill myself.” I can’t help but stare at how rough he looks. His stubble isn’t even lined up, and his white T-shirt is as loose as a porn star’s vagina.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">“I know you’re having a rough time man, you don’t have to hide it.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“I know you do.”

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“Yeah, but you shouldn’t be afraid to let it out. We all had our fair share of assholes.” Jay doesn’t respond as I can see he plays with his tongue as swings it around against his gums. Left to right, left to right. I hear a knock upon the bathroom door. It’s a soft voice. Chanels. “Look Jay, I’m sorry about earlier today… I’ve just been going through a lot.”'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“It’s okay; it’s not just you I’m mad about.” I hear Jay say. His voice is rough monotone.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“Well I hope everything gets better.” Jay doesn’t reply, as chuckles. He’s not quite sure what to believe from her.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">“You must like the color blue don’t you?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Not really, I’ve always been more of a black guy.”

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“Really? That’s amazing, I never knew that. Always seemed like a blue guy to be honest; but why black?”'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“Why not black? It’s a color which represent just so many things, there’s too many ideas to each comprehend. Plus I’m pretty complex as a whole. Sometimes I question my religion even though my Father was a preacher. Some may say I’m weird, but I like to think I’m just unique” he says.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">“You know, there’s something I think I need to tell you.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“If it’s deep, I don’t want to hear it man.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“It is, but it has meaning.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Go for it.”

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center;tab-stops:143.3pt">***

<p class="MsoNormal">'''It was only 14 years old if I remember, but Jay and I went to school with her. Her name was Alix. She had dirty blond hair, white bronze skin with a darker complexion, and some freckles to accompany them. I stare at her inside her eyes. There like puppy dog eyes and she stares into mine. I lean in closer to her, and she can smell my breath as my lips touches upon hers.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“Do you ever wonder what you’ll be doing when we’re both older?” I ask her. The question catches her off-guard, as she pushes both of her eye brows towards each other for a split second. “No, have you?” she replies.” '''

<p class="MsoNormal">“Well I would love to be in the NBA one day.”

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“I think it’s obvious you’ll have the talents to go all the way; you’re ranked top ten in your class and you’re only in the 8th grade!” I smile at her. '''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“I thought your parent’s were supposed to be here by now?” I ask her. “Me too…” She reaches inside of her pocket where she pulls out her phone. I’m able to catch a glimpse as it’s a text from her Mother. “Stuck in traffic, won’t be back for another hour. <3 XOXO” the text reads. She sets the phone down.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">“Looks like they’ll be gone for another hour”

<p class="MsoNormal">“What now?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“I don’t know”

<p class="MsoNormal">'''I stare into her eyes once again, but this time it’s different. I lean in, except this time it’s much more personal. I soon find her on top of me as we exchange kisses on her pink bed. Within seconds we find ourselves naked, the only warmth we’re getting is from each other.'''

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center;tab-stops:143.3pt">***

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“What happen next”? Jay asks me.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">“Well she got pregnant man… “

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center;tab-stops:143.3pt">***

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“What you’re pregnant?” I ask as Alix shakes her head yes. “Do your parents know? If my parents find out Alix I’m dead and they’ll never let me play ball.” I say trying to stay as calm as possible. The face on her grows into a frown.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">“No they don’t but, I’m moving Brad.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Where?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Somewhere up north, I don’t know.”

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“Look, I need to know do you plan to keep that baby.” I begin to feel guilt of depressing growing upon my face. She’s moving yet, I don’t know what to think about it.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">“I don’t know, I wanted to talk to you.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“I don’t know, I think an abortion… I’m sorry but neither of us aren’t even 15 yet, and we have to deal with raising a child…”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Fine… I’ll get the abortion.”

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center;tab-stops:143.3pt">***

<p class="MsoNormal">'''“Anyways, main point is I never seen her after she moved. She ended up getting an abortion. Anyways, what I’m trying to tell you man, you should let life handle things and wait patiently for what it brings you, because if not it’s going to kick your ass.” I say to Jay. He smiles, and we both stand up agreeing to leave this bathroom.'''