Anguish & Desire/Chapter Twelve

This is Chapter Twelve of Danganronpa: Anguish & Desire, Bond Time!. In this chapter, Ken, Nakamoto, and Satoshi have an important discussion; also, Ken's approached by an unfamiliar face.

Author's Note : ''"Whatever happens, I'll believe in you.  That... is what friends is being all about." - ''Kazuichi Souda, the Ultimate Mechanic.

Today started like every morning trapped in this school from hell -- I woke up and got my ass kicked by Nakata (I’m sorry, I meant, ‘trained’ with Nakata), and afterwards I went back to my room to shower. After the shower, I of course, went to the dining hall.

Satoshi, Sasada, Saishi, Yuka, Rai, Tomori, Nakata, and I sat in our designated seats, and, we were enjoying a pretty nice meal prepared by Sasada -- apparently, the plants she got as her personal item were some sort of vegetable, which she sprinkled on top of today’s meal.

The stuff like this, where we’re all together, sorta makes me feel like we’re a family. A family who fights together, refuses to give into the despair created by our captors--refuses to betray one another.

“They’re late...again,” Sasada says, sighing to herself. “We actually had something rather important to talk about today.”

“Oh, that’s a change,” Tomori says. “Usually, it’s something stupid like ‘Let’s try our best again today!’, or, ‘Stop being such fuckin’ assholes!’...y’know how it is.”

“I have never used such language,” Saishi exclaims, pausing and shaking his head. “It’s...immoral!”

Satoshi -- who is sitting to my left -- laughs quietly to himself...it’s the first time in awhile I heard him laugh. I thought he was probably one of the strongest when we got here, but, he’s been kinda broken since we got here.

“Now, now, what isn’t immoral to you, Saishi?” Rai asks. “Because, we can’t stay out past curfew, run in the halls, have sleepovers, date…”

“...we aren’t allowed to cuss, either.” I say.

“That doesn’t stop Tomori, though,” Satoshi says, and Tomori chuckles. “She’s like a sailor with that mouth of hers.”

“You shoulda seen my interview with TMNTT Magazine a couple of months back -- they had to censor half the article,” she pauses, looking straight ahead to Satoshi and myself. “Literally, it was such a shitshow.”

“I actually read that one,” Sasada says, smiling to herself. “I had done a little research on some online threads about the other Ultimates coming to Hope’s Peak, and I was redirected to it.”

Oh yeah, I almost forgot about the online threads--each year, there’s a series of online threads dedicated to researching and learning about the new ‘Symbols of Hope’, as we were supposed to be called.

I never cared much for it. It was a little stalker-ish, if I do say so myself.

“What did it say about me?” Rai asks.

“It directed me to some of your work,” Sasada continues. “There was a lot of us that no information could be found on the thread--Nakata, Ken, Satoshi, myself...guess we weren’t so popular.”

That’s...not a surprise. Our talents aren’t as flashy or well-known as the others...we’re not typically in the spotlight.

“Y’know, I actually had a question,” Tomori says, crossing her arms. “Y’all said there was another student locked in here, right?”

Saishi nods. “Indeed!”

“Well, I was thinkin’...” she pauses, looking from Saishi to Satoshi and me. “Supposedly, each year Hope’s Peak does a lottery.”

“A lottery?” Yuka asks,

Tomori nods and continues. “They put all of the graduating middle school students into a lottery, and pick one at random. They’re granted the title of ‘Ultimate Lucky Student’.”

“Now that you mention it, on the thread there was a video online of the class from before us making a video to celebrate the new recruits,” Sasada says, nodding her head. “They were headed by a boy named Makoto Naegi -- who was, I believe, the Ultimate Lucky Student of their class.”

“Tomori, do you think our Lucky Student is the seventeenth captive then?” Satoshi asks, tilting his head.

Tomori nods -- and Saishi lifts his glasses. “It’s certainly plausible!”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s nice and all, but what’re we supposed to do about it?” Nakata asks. “There’s nothing we can do for now.”

“We just have to wait,” I say. “The time will come where we can help them and confront whoever is controlling MonoMech.”

“The waiting game is most dangerous,” Sasada mumbles. “But, what choice do we have?”

“Well, here we are, waiting again…” Tomori says. “...we’re totally sitting ducks in this school.”

Yeah...it seems like we’re always waiting.

Waiting for answers to come to us. Waiting for MonoMech to deliver his motive. Waiting for another one of us to be killed...but, what else is there we can do?

Soon enough though, Shiho, Azama, Obinata, Mio, and Nakamoto enter the dining hall -- and, instead of sitting down at their usual table, the five make their way toward us instead. Nakamoto, Obinata, and Mio fill the three empty seats, and Shiho and Azama stand at the end of the table next to them.

Nakamoto, who is sitting next to Satoshi and in front of Nakata, gives a nod and a quick, “Hello,” as does Azama, who decides to take a seat on the actual table with Shiho.

“Good morning, you five,” Sasada says, with a small wave. “Nice to see you again.”

“Good morning,” Obinata sighs.

“And how art thou doing this morning?” Nakamoto asks, smiling his bright smile. “I hope well, I hope well!”

“Quite well,” Satoshi confirms. “And you guys?”

“No complaints here!” Mio exclaims, raising her fist to the sky. “I’m so so ready for another bomb-tastic day!”

“Well, that’s good to hear,” Tomori says, shrugging her shoulders. “We were about to discuss something rather important, if you’d care to listen.”

“And what is that…?” Shiho questions. “If this is another one of Saishi’s stupid let’s-get-along games, I’m not even gonna waste my time.”

“Well, that’s rude,” Rai mumbles. “You could at least be a little kinder, can’t you?”

“I wouldn’t bother with him, Rai,” I say, looking down to Rai who rests their head on the table.

I hear Shiho grunt from the end of the table. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

There’s conviction in his voice -- it’s really intimidating.

“Now, now, picking on the Rabbit won’t do you any good,” Tomori says, looking toward me and raising her eyebrows. “Okay?”

He sighs, next. “And, when I decide to become the blackened, who’d stop me from killing him?”

W-When he becomes the blackened…? He’s going to kill me...?

Why am I going to--?

“S-Shiho…?” I hear Azama question in the background.

“Stop it!” Saishi exclaims, swiftly rising to his feet. “No one will become the blackened--!”

“Oh, but I will,” Shiho says. “In a game like this, it’s kill or be killed...you all are quite aware of that, right? No one will be saved unless we kill...the strong target the weak. Unlike the lot of you though, I’m strong. I have no reason NOT to kill.”

And then, in the background, a chuckle is heard. It was faint at first, like a schoolgirl giggling in the middle of class and trying to hold in, but soon enough it became boisterous laughter...and the source of that all, came from the Ultimate Mercenary, Nakata.

Her head is folded over, she’s staring down at the table, laughing to herself...it’s almost unsettling.

“N-Nakata?!” Satoshi asks, tilting his head.

“The strong target the weak, huh?” she asks, lifting her head to stare down at the rest of us...her hazel eyes are wide, her head is tilted slightly. “You talk a big game for a simple pianist.”

“A simple pianist?” Shiho gasps, as if her unsettling, creepy appearance meant nothing to him, and only that stray remark caught his attention. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I think you forgot whose domain you’re in, kid,” she says, pausing, before making eye contact with me again. “Killing is MY game...and if you think you’re going to best me, or my comrades, you’re mistaken.”

Nakata...your comrades?

“So, to answer your question,” she continues, standing from her seat. “I will protect Ken. I will protect Kitoaji. I will protect Sasada. I will protect Saishi. I will protect Satoshi. I will protect Shiomi. I will protect Yuka. I will protect Tomori.”

“H-Hey, what about me, Nakata-chi?!” Nakamoto asks. “I want you to protect me, too! Please?!”

She shrugs him off. “The five of you made it clear with how you acted through these few days that it was you against us...and if you truly believe that, you’re in for a rude awakening.”

Nakamoto gasps, and looks away from us. Azama looks down to the ground, rubbing her red shoulder. Mio looks around at everyone quizzically -- she just looks generally confused, not that’s any different from the norm. Obinata smirks to himself, shaking his head. Shiho looks taken aback, almost as if he wasn’t expecting anyone to challenge him like Nakata did.

“This was quite the insightful conversation,” Obinata says, rising to his feet. “I guess it was a mistake to believe we could all get along, in the end.”

“I guess it was,” Sasada echoes, rolling her eyes. “It’s all your guys’ fault, anyways.”

“Whatever,” Shiho says, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m going back to my room, for now. Let’s go.”

And, as if he was their general, the others all rose, too...everyone except for Nakamoto.

“Aren’t you going to come?” Obinata asks, tilting his head.

“Sorry Obi-chi,” Nakamoto says, nervously smiling to himself. “I actually had some business with Ken-chi and Satoshi-chi.”

“With us?” Satoshi asks, and Nakamoto nods.

Obinata narrows his eyes, and clicks his tongue in annoyance. “Okay, well, when you’re done, you know where to find me.”

And, with those parting words, Kiyo Azama, Zeshin Obinata, Mio Shimazaki, and Yoichi Shiho all left the dining hall, leaving the nine of us alone.

And then there was a silence.

So, naturally, I went to break it.

“Nakata, you’re the best.”

There was another silence...this one lasted longer, and was ten times the awkward...but, I honestly don’t get why. I’ve never had someone who protected me before...maybe if I did, I might not have ended up like this.

“What’s this? A love confession?” Tomori suddenly asks, tilting her head.

...y’all are ridiculous, honestly.

“N-No, no, no,” I quickly spat out. “Not like that, it’s just I really appreciate you sticking up for us like you did...it means a lot”

Nakata shrugs her shoulders and sits back down. “I only did what I had to do.”

“But, still…”

“No, Ken’s right, Nakata,” Rai pipes up, sitting straight up. “It’s amazing of you!”

Satoshi nods, and Sasada echoes Rai’s sentiment. Saishi smiles to himself, and both Tomori & Yuka nod their heads enthusiastically.

“Did you really mean you’re not gonna protect me, Nakata-chi?!” Nakamoto asks, rising from his seat. “Please, Nakata-chi?!”

She tilts her head in response, and smiles to herself. “Of course I will, you’re useless on your own.”

Nakamoto chuckles to himself, nodding his head. “Indeed I am, Nakata-chi!”

“So, what business did you have with us?” Sasada asks, tilting her head. “It’s rare to see you not following Obinata’s lead.”

Nakamoto stands, and he slowly positions himself in between Satoshi and myself.

“What’s up--?”

Satoshi couldn’t even finish his question, and with one movement, Nakamoto had the both of us gripped by the neck in a headlock.

His grip is...surprisingly strong. Nothing compared to Nakata, of course, but he’s surprisingly fit.

“I’m going to be borrowing these two, if you don’t mind!”

Ah, is this about our conversation last night?

“Do we even get a choice?” Satoshi asks.

“Sorry, Satoshi-chi!” he exclaims, nodding to himself. “It’s important, I promise!”

“Give them back when you’re done, please,” Tomori says, retreating back to her meal.

“Preferably unhurt,” Rai adds.

Nakamoto gasps. “What kind of person do you think I am?!”

“Can I come, too?” Yuka asks, tilting her head. “You can’t just steal Big Brother Ken from me--”

“No, we’re going to go do manly man stuff,” Nakamoto says, winking at Yuka. “I promise they’ll be right back.”

She pouts, turning away from us. “Fine.”

Nakamoto releases us from his hold, and my hands immediately find themselves rubbing my throat. Nakamoto’s hand then finds it’s way to my back, and when I look up at him, we make eye contact and he smiles brightly down at me.

“Where’re we going?” I ask, and he shrugs his shoulders.

“Somewhere we can forget about our problems, Ken-chi!” he exclaims, and I slowly rise from my feet, rubbing my neck. I look back at Satoshi, who, sighs to himself but still finds it in him to rise as well.

“What about the important meeting we were supposed to have today…” Sasada whispers to herself.

“We’ll tell you guys about it later,” Tomori says, waving her off. “You three go have fun.”

“Thanks, Tomori-chi!” Nakamoto exclaims, before practically shoving us out of the dining hall and to…

...the sauna.

Satoshi and I found ourselves in the sauna with Nakamoto, and, like the good guest he was, Nakamoto forced Satoshi and I to take our clothes off and wrap ourselves in towels so we could go in with him.

I honestly have no idea how saunas work, all I know is that Nakamoto pressed a button or poured water on some rocks or something and now it’s like a million degrees in here...it’s kinda gross, but also really refreshing at the same time. I don’t know how else to explain it...

And, I was also right about before...Nakamoto is surprisingly ripped. His torso is pretty defined, although he has a couple of bruises scattered across his body.

Satoshi is more like me; he’s basically a twink. He’s hella skinny, and has a big scar along his chest.

“What’re those about, Nakamoto?” Satoshi asks, pointing to a big, pretty gross, bruise on his chest.

Nakamoto chuckles to himself. “I fell down the stairs while investigating...the landing was pretty rough as you can tell.”

…

How clumsy can one person be, honestly?

“What about you, Satoshi-chi?” Nakamoto retorts. “If you wanna compare scars, let’s go! What’s yours about?”

Satoshi smiles to himself...it was almost like a wave of nostalgia just crashed into him. “My friend and I were camping out in the woods once, and I -- being the friend of the year -- tried to scare ‘em while we were hunting...so, yeah, long story short I got pretty badly sliced.”

…

How stupid can one person be, honestly?

Nakamoto chuckles to himself. “What about you, Ken-chi? Any battle scars?”

I smile to myself as I lift my right hand; since I smashed my hand against my bathroom wall, the swelling has gone down mostly and it’s still pretty badly bruised. “Only this,” I say, waving it back and forth. “I’m not much for getting myself injured.”

“Still, you never even told me what happened, Ken,” Satoshi says, leaning his head back against the wall. “I’m offended.”

“He didn’t tell you either, Satoshi-chi?!” Nakamoto gasps. “I’m double offended, now!”

Well, in my defense, I’m not particularly close with any of you...and, Azama is the only one who knows, anyway...

...and, I don’t want them to not trust me. If I tell them what happened, what are the odds they’ll trust me to be sane and helpful when MonoMech presents us with another motive? They won’t believe me when I say that I’m going to be there for them.

“When we get out of here, I’ll gladly tell you both what happened.”

Satoshi’s lips creep upwards, and Nakamoto gives me a thumbs-up. “It’s a promise, then!” the Host exclaims. “When we make it out of here, there’ll be nothing but LOVE and we’ll exchange secrets!”

“What’re you, ten years old?” Satoshi asks, tilting his head.

“Just about, Satoshi-chi! But, you guys have to promise me you’ll make it out with me, got it?!”

“Of course,” I say, nodding my head. “We’ll all get out of here...together.”

“Which leads us to our next topic, what to do with all these sad virgins!”

Sad...virgins…?

I don’t even know what to say.

Luckily, I don’t have to say anything. “As a Host, it is my duty to keep everyone satisfied, so--”

“No seducing allowed.”

Nakamoto frowns. “Ken-chi, that’s mean! I wasn’t even going to say that.”

“It’s impossible to know with you, to be fair,” Satoshi says, his eyes now closed...he looks so peaceful. “I never know if you’re gonna be serious or funny or stupid.”

Plus, you did start off the conversation with ‘sad virgins’.

“Y-You’re both so cruel…” he trails off, shaking his head. “...but, I was going to suggest a game plan!”

“A game plan?” I ask, and he nods.

“You saw Tani-chi in her final moments, right? She was scared to get close to anyone because it’d be much harder for her to kill and betray a friend, right?”

“Right…?”

“So,” he pauses, looking from Satoshi to myself. “It’s time to commence ‘Operation-Totally-Gonna-Save-Everyone’!”

“That name is WAY too long.”

“Ken-chi, shush, let me finish!” he exclaims, tapping his finger on his forearm. “So, we’re going to fight MonoMech with friendship!”

...what?

“That’s...so stupid,” Satoshi mumbles.

“Well, if we take what we learn from Tani-chi, then we need to create as many bonds as we can with our fellow classmates!”

I...sorta get it.

“So, like, we all get close to our classmates, and it gives them less will to kill, right?”

Nakamoto snaps his fingers as he turns to me. “Exactly, Ken-chi! If we all can get close to someone, then they’ll have second thoughts about killing and betraying us, and then we’re all saved, no matter the motive! It’s fireproof!”

“I guess it doesn’t hurt to try,” Satoshi says, nodding his head. “If we can save everyone like this, then why not?”

“Yeah, let’s do it!”

“G-Guys--!” Nakamoto exclaims, sliding closer to me. “It’ll work, we’ll make it work, I promise! No one else has to die!”

“So, how should we go about this?” Satoshi asks, leaning forward. “There’s a lot of tension right now, and, it’s kinda impossible to get close to certain people.”

Nakamoto waves off Satoshi and places his hand on my shoulder. “Ken-chi here has been doing well with Rai-chi, Yuka-chi, and Nakata-chi! Satoshi-chi, you’ve been getting really close with Tomori-chi, and I’m super close to Obi-chi and Mio-chi! That leaves Sasada-chi, Saishi-chi, Azama-chi, Shiomi-chi, and Shiho-chi!”

“We can split the rest up pretty evenly,” Satoshi says, tilting his head again. “I can take Saishi and Sasada, if you need.”

“And I’ll take Azama-chi and Shiho-chi!”

So, that means…

“I’ll try to talk to Shiomi, then.”

“Still, I don’t know how well this could work if we take into account that we don’t know what kind of motive MonoMech will throw at us,” Satoshi says. “We could be wasting our time.”

Nakamoto shakes his head. “We just have to delay the killings until someone can come and rescue us or until we find a way out, really.”

“So, until then, let’s keep fighting!” I exclaim.

“And, if it fails, I get the go-ahead to seduce!” Nakamoto exclaims.

“Only if this fails.”

“I won’t try it until then, Ken-chi!”

I can’t help but giggle as Nakamoto leans in close to me to chuckle, too. Satoshi’s laugh echoes in the background to our left until he throws his arm around my shoulder and puts his head close to ours.

Maybe it’s my ever-changing emotions that keeps getting the best of me...I feel like I’m always changing between fear, determination, angst...and now I’m back to determination. I really really want to think that this could work...that Nakamoto’s plan will come into fruition and there won’t be another killing until we can escape this dastardly place.

“So, Satoshi-chi, Ken-chi, that reminds me…” Nakamoto trails off, and backs away from the two of us as he looks to the ceiling. “Have you guys started to make your moves?!”

“Moves?” Satoshi asks, tilting his head.

“What? Are we supposed to try to escape the sauna or something?”

“No, no, no, Ken-chi,” he sighs, shaking his head. “I meant on Tomori-chi and Nakata-chi!”

“I do not plan on fighting Nakata, sorry.”

“Yeah Naka, Tomori’s stronger than she looks. I’m not messing with her.”

“I-Idiots--!” he exclaims, before shuffling closer to us again. “Not fighting, dumbasses! I meant moves, like, moves!”

Ah, because that makes more sense.

“I’m talking about love here! Gosh, you’re both so difficult…”

“What kind of love are we talking about?” Satoshi asks. “It could really be anythi--”

“Yeah, like, I love her, but I’m not *in* love with her.”

Plus, you gotta give those kinds of relationships time to develop. You can’t just go all in right away.

“We’ve been trapped in here a week, y’know?” Nakamoto sighs, resting his head back up against the wall. “If nothing’s happened yet, it’ll never happen.”

…

That’s not how relationships work, I think.

“Is that why you’ve never had a girlfriend before? Never given them a chance?”

“S-Shut up, Satoshi-chi!”

“You gotta give it time to develop, dude.”

“I don’t need love advice from someone who doesn’t even know how to say ‘I love you’!”

“You need it from someone.”

“B-But not you!”

“Then from who?”

As Nakamoto and Satoshi get distracter in their banter, it’s only really now dawning on me what the two want me to do. They want me to get close to Isamu Shiomi, the Ultimate Songwriter. The person who has only left his room to eat; the person who hasn’t spoken a word since his lone friend, Hiroko Tani, was brutally executed in front of him. Where am I supposed to start?

Well, I guess this works.

After parting ways with Nakamoto and Satoshi, I find myself face-to-face with Shiomi. His messy, long blonde hair covers one of his brown eyes, and his scarf is loosely wrapped around his neck.

Initially, I was gonna go back to my room and mentally prepare myself to talk to him...I mean, what could I possibly say?

“Hey, I know you probably hate me right now for letting your best friend die, but wanna talk?”

But, as I was passing his room to get to mine, his door flew open, and naturally he came following. He immediately stopped as he walked in front of me, and his eyes met mine.

Silence followed...and, it hasn’t let up.

I want to apologize. I want to say something.

But, no words will come out.

Whether it be his shaking hands, my own fear, or my own uncomfortableness...god, I just--

He puts his hand in the air and shakes his head. “Don’t.”

His quivering voice is also sharp. He puts his hand down, and what comes next is a sigh. “Not yet.”

This is my moment. I should grab his shoulders, shake him, tell him that I’m sorry--that I won’t let anything like this happen again.

“Okay,” I mumble, nodding my head.

Gosh, how pathetic can I be?

He nods, too, and steps around me. “Later.”

Maybe...just, maybe I should leave it. If he’s not ready, he’s not ready. If I stop him now, if I tell him how I feel, would it just push him away with how he is now?

I don’t know.

I...just don’t know.

God, I hate this. I don’t know anything. It makes me feel so helpless.

Y’know what doesn’t make me feel helpless though? Sleep. Maybe I’ll take a quick nap or just straight-up go in for the day. I’ll do anything to just not have to think right about now.

“Ken, I need to talk to you.”

Well, looks like that isn’t happening.

I quickly spin ninety degrees to face the source of the voice, and, right across from Shiomi’s room, a red-headed, hazel-eyed girl stares at me. Ukon Sasada, the Ultimate Gardner.

I haven’t spoken to her one-on-one yet, she’s always been with Saishi, and I honestly don’t think she’s too fond of me. Just yesterday she told me I was too ‘immature’ and that it annoyed her.

“Ken, do you mind?”

“Uh, nope!”

“It’s about what Saishi and I wanted to discuss this morning. Remember, when you bailed on us?”

I didn’t bail on you…

“What is it?”

Sasada disappears back into her room, and, I guess I’m taking that as a sign to follow her? I don’t know, she’s like, impossible to read. She’s completely monotone, and the only time I saw her show any type of emotion so far was when she was playing Shiomi’s video game.

Still, I follow her into her room, and as I pass through the doorway, she closes the door behind me. “We can’t have anyone else overhearing us, now can we?”

Again, how should I know? You got a camera in your room still, so MonoMech can still hear just about every single word you say.

Her room is nice though, it smells of fresh basil and other plants -- those of which are sitting on her dresser -- and her green vest sits on her bed.

“What’s this about?” I ask, turning to face her.

She shrugs her shoulders and sits beside a pinkish-yellow flower on her dresser. “I don’t like this, okay?”

“Don’t like what?”

“How things are shaping up between us. Like it or not, we’re classmates, and more than that, we’re allies, united against a single enemy in MonoMech,” she pauses and looks away from me, back down to her flower. “Quite frankly, we have two groups warring against each other, Tomori distrusts Nakata, Shiho has threatened your life, Shiomi has gone mental and MonoMech is evidently waiting for the tension to escalate even further so that we are forced to kill one another. I wanted to discuss the options with everyone so that we could work together more closely, but, it doesn’t look like that’ll happen, so I’m changing my gameplan.”

“Sasada…”

“I’m going to protect everyone, too.”

Wait Sasada, you, what--?

She clenches her fist and looks up at me. “I might not be as strong as Nakata, or charismatic like Saishi, or sweet like you, but I--I don’t want to see anyone else leave us behind like Yosano and Tani. I won’t let anyone else fall victim.”

Sasada...you’ve been thinking about this a lot, haven’t you?

“Did you make this declaration to everyone else earlier?”

She shakes her head, laughing to herself. “No, I only told Saishi so far. I wasn’t planning on telling anyone else, but then I saw you with Shiomi. You looked like you wanted to help him, and, that’s all anyone can really ask for in a situation like this. But, I want you to know that you can count on me, too. And, at the very least, if I do become the blackened, it won’t be you.”

…

“Please don’t joke like that, Sasada.”

She awkwardly shifts in her seat. “Don’t get the wrong idea though, I still believe you to be an immature, naive child who is just waiting to be betrayed.”

Then why’d you even come to me in the first place?

“Sitting here and living in fear of being betrayed is no way to live, and, believe it or not I have hope that no one else will betray us.”

“Really?”

She nods. “The tension’s a little high right now, but, I do not believe anyone wants to risk their own lives -- and the lives of everyone else here -- for their own selfish goal. Not anymore, at least. Tani’s death may have scared them from doing anything stupid like that.”

…

“W-Why are you staring at me with those big eyes, Ken? Are you about to start crying?”

“N-No, Sasada! I was just thinking how admirable you are!”

“What? No. Shut up, you’re stupid, I’m stupid.”

“No, seriously! No matter how hard I try I can’t seem to be able to contemplate believing in the others like you! You’re so--”

“We’re stupid.”

“Stop, it’s seriously so cool!”

She sighs. “Whatever, Ken. I would like to believe that one of us wouldn’t kill, is that so wrong?”

“Of course not!”

“Again, I’m just gonna reiterate the fact that I don’t want you to think Saishi and Nakamoto are the only ones trying, okay? We need to keep this group together if we want to have a chance to make it out alive -- all of us.”

Well, not all of us.

“I agree, Sasada. I want you to count on me too, then. Trust is a two-way street.”

“Trust and naivety are two completely different things, Ken. It’s possible to trust someone and be wary at the same time. You don’t have to choose one or the other.”

“And, I take it you’re telling me this because I’m bordering on stupidity?”

“Not bordering -- you are stupid.”

I love you, too?

But, I don’t want to have to change. I don’t wanna let this despair change me.

I’ve never fit in before. I’ve always been an outcast. And now…

...from Nakata, to Rai, to Yuka, to Saishi, to Azama to Satoshi to Nakamoto…

...I’m finally not alone. I finally have friends. I don’t want to believe that they’ll betray me -- that they’re capable of that.

I don’t think I’m alone in that sentiment, either. I can only imagine what Obinata and Shiho are thinking, too. They’re kinda off, I don’t like them, but I don’t know them. For all I know, they’re like me. Obinata doesn’t seem like the kind of person who can trust easily, and Shiho seemed legitimately scared during the trial -- it could be he’s just as scared of death and betrayal like we are.

Shiho…

''“Guys, guys, whatever happens, just know, okay? Know that I won’t betray you guys--not that I won’t, but I can’t. I can’t do it.”''

Obinata…

When I was crying over Yosano’s death, he was surprisingly comforting and trusting toward me...why did everything change once the execution took place?

“Ken, don’t worry too much.”

Ah, right.

“Sorry, Sasada.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s a highly stressful situation, and I think I might have something to help, if you would be so kind enough to accept his gift.”

I tilt my head, and Sasada slides off of her dresser onto her feet, and shuffles over to an orange flower which is rooted in a brown pot. “This is called a Pot Marigold, from the Calendula genus, native to Europe,” she explains, lifting the pot up from her dresser. She spins around to face me, and slowly begins walking in my direction. “It’s said to relieve anxiety and stress; and, if you ever get sick, they used to be use as a medicinal herb in Ancient Greece. I’m pretty familiar with it, also.”

She holds the pot out to me, and as I reach mine out to her, I can’t help but smile. “Are you sure?”

“Yes I am. I have too many plants in here, anyway, and as long as you water it twice a day we’re good, got it?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

And -- for the first time today -- she smiles (and I can’t help but smile back...when do I ever get to see something so cute come from her?! That actually sounds quite rude, now that I think about it...forgive me Sasada). “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I was in the middle of something rather important.”

I nod. “Have fun, Sasada, and thank you so much.”

“Don’t mention it...just, please, don’t be as stupid.”

“For you, of course.”

With those parting words, I left Sasada’s room, and with my new gift in my hands, I went back to my room.

Being in the sauna...exhausts you, let me tell you. It’s probably the heat or something, but, I feel super dehydrated and...tired.

After I set the plant on my dresser, I can’t help but collapse on my bed...and, before I could stop myself, I drifted into a quick sleep.

“Ken, I need you to check this out!”

Hmm, why me?

I sit at my desk in my dorm (being a good student, and STUDYING), and, to my left, sits the blue-haired, beauty queen, the Ultimate Beatboxer Hiroko Tani. She sits in front of her laptop, and holds her video camera in one hand, and the other hand she uses to shake my shoulder back and forth.

“Ken, pleaseeeee! It’ll be quick, I promise!”

I playfully sigh, and drop my pen on my notebook. She smiles brightly, and her dark blue eyes pierce my dark green ones. “Okay, so, like, Shiomi finally did it, that asshole.”

“What did he do? Finally ask you out?”

“No, what?”

Oh, uh, whoops.

“Nevermind that, what did he do.”

She tilts her head, but quickly waves me off...that girl never misses a beat.

“Okay, so, Kitoaji, Shiomi, and Shiho finally recorded that song I wanted to play really really badly! Kitoaji recorded it, Shiomi played the acoustic for me, and Shiho was on the piano! It came out really really well, and I just had to show my little cutie before I put it up on YouTube!”

“How did it come out?”

“Just watch, Ken!”

I nod, and -- still smiling -- she lets go of my shoulder and pulls the video up on her laptop. “It’s so cute, if you ask me.”

As she presses the play button, I’m immediately captivated. Shiomi’s acoustic has improved so much since we started attending this school, and Shiho’s fantastic as always. And, Tani’s voice...it’s that of an angel’s, let me tell you.

“I’ll never get over your voice, Tani.”

“Don’t flatter me too much, Ken, we’re only twenty seconds in! It’s a five minute long song!”

Watching the video is amazing to me...like, my classmates are just so talented and lovely...and here I am.

I hear her giggle, and, suddenly her arm flies around my shoulders. “When we’re done, you better tell me about that ‘did he ask you out’ comment, cutie.”

Oh, oh god. She did hear me.

I gulp, and look to her face -- she’s grinning menacingly, and she holds up her right hand, showing off her sharp blue nails.

Shiomi...the shit I do for you...I’ll fight this off, don’t you worry. I’ll protect your secret.