Guy's Apocalypse Adventures/Issue 1

"Hey everybody it's Guy Fieri! And today I'm taking you on the bus to flavor town!" Guy fucking Fieri shouts from his red car as he drives down the road with his camerman Pedro. "I'm bring Pedro with me to the flavor!"

Pedro, being a fucking zombie, just sits there and moans like a bitch while Guy drives to the mexican border. "This, my friend, is crossing the border like an illegal. And I'm not talking about an ill eagle!"

Driving his ride into Mexico, Guy drives up to some shitty ass town, where a bunch of mexicans are staring at awe at the fat white man, as if white man were only rumors. Getting out of the car, and of course he is wearing his flamy fire shirt, Guy looks around the town. "We're gonna mine for food in Flavertown River!"

A grumpy ass mexican named Mario, and not the italian one who jumps on brown midgets, stares at Guy. "Americanos blancos disparan aquí."

Guy turns towards the camera with a flavortown like smile. "I know what you're thinking. He is speaking another language! But don't worry, I know how to translate!"

Guy turns back to Mario and nods his head. "Yes, I would like a taco!" Mario stare at him like Guy a retard then walks away while Guy all like "I guess he couldn't handle the flavor! This place is bananas, and bananas is good!"

Walking into a random restaurant, Guy catches the eye of two teenagers who sit down eating food. "Hello there! Holy-moly, stromboli, what are you eating!"

The angst ridden teenager Ashton moans about his life as he turns towards Guy, while the girl next to him Liza snaps her fingers and gives Guy the look of Liza like death. "¿qué coño?" she all like and he like "are you sure that's a taco? DOn't look like one to me, and I'm the taco-maco!"

"esto no es un taco" Ashton says while moaning about his life.

"Yes young man! I would like one!" Guy walks over to the counter, where he is catching the wind of Curly, who is like tyring not to fap to memory of Yvette. "

"que fatass te mataré" Curly all like trying to be a tough bitch, but Guy only laughs at his comment. "No, young man, I'm not your father! I'm the mayor of flavortown!" but Curly look at him like "espero que usted es golpeado por un autobús"

"No, I am not lost, but thanks for asking!" GUy turns back to the camera and gives a thumbs up. "Man, this town is friendly! Time to meat the man in charge!"

Guy walks over to Sergeant Mendoza, who is eating a salad or something. "¿puedo ayudarle?"

"Yes, I would like to try it!" Guy takes Mendoza's salad and, using his bare hand, takes handful of it with a big smile. "This is a weird taco!" Guy shoves the food into his mouth and is all like "this sauce is money!"

"Qué acabas de comer mi puta foood"

"Holy taco, Batman!" Guy hands the salad back to Mendoza while rubbing his stomach. "That was dynamite!"

Making his way out of the restaurent, Guy hops back into his car with Pedro the cameraman. Without a single fuck to give Guy drives over to Tenexpa, where the guards are so shocked by this random wyet dude that they just let him walk over to Don Tucan. "My brotha from anotha motha do you got some food for me today?! CUz some people are just meant to eat and talk!" Guy puts his arm around Tucan with a smile.

"¿Cómo te atreves a tocarme, hombre blanco. Voy a traer la muerte de su familia"

"Yes, we are family! Not by blood, but in here, brotha!" Guy taps his heart while Pedro just fucking stands there cuz he a zombie. BUT WHY ISNT HE EATING ANYONE? Cuz fuck you, I'm the author. If I dont want him to eat anyone he isnt gonna eat anyone! Dont fucking question me, k. K

Guy kicks down the door to the kitchen and almost has a heartattack. "Dude, I've been stricken by chicken!" GUy picks up a giant ass piece of chicken and chows it down while Tucan watches, afraid of this weird ass white man who is eating his food. "Shut the front door, son of Tatum O’Neal, that’s dynamite."

"Tú ... eres como una ballena humana"

"THat's the flavor spirit!" Guy hugs Tucan as he walks out, giving a wink to his fine ass daughter as he does.

Guy hops back into his car and drives away from the cartel without giving a single fuck. He drives through the gates and over zombies, cuz fuck logic tbh, while Guy drives back over the border in a span of three minutes cuz Guy is Jesus. "THat's it today on Diners, Drive ins and dines!"

Guy drives off into the sunset with his tummy fully with the yummies, but he knows that there are more flavor towns to visit.