Talk:Epiphany/Book One/Prologue/@comment-5910587-20150918061525

OKAY, I'm finally ready to leave my comment on Epiphanyyyyy, the mighty return of Johno. wb omg <3

You were worried that you wouldn't be too great at the prose thing... well, dude you're great at the prose thing lmao. Like, really great. You're a natural and that's all I have to say about that.

onto the story. welcome back, tom snyder. You said to detach ourselves from ER so we could go into Epiphany without any preconceptions and I will do that but tom, at this moment, seems to be pretty similar to ER tom. I was so happy you included the speech he gives to Kelvin about staying in control, i loved that speech from the ER pilot <3

OKAY THAT'S ALL I'LL SAY ABOUT ER.

Dead Darla... like Luke, I like how you handled the revelation. It happened, and although her death clearly hurts Tom to this day and always will, her absence is a part of life now. Her death had its consequences, it's changed him, but it happened. And there's nothing you can do. I love the possibilities this opens for Kate/Tom's storyline. although we didn't see kate, I loved the way you described her/their relationship through Tom's POV so we could already get a feel for her.

and then we have super attractive kelvin. you had some really good descriptions here, like kelvin's nervous twitch with his belt, and some good interactions. Tom and Kelvin play off each other really well, and it was a good bit of humor to a kind of grim opening.

I also liked how you conveyed Tom's anxiety over the mysterious person as the gate and how Darla's death contributed to that anxiety, but you didn't bash us over the head with it. I don't know what the make of this weird kid... but you've built intrigue, introduced us to some of our main dudes, and you've done it all in one solid prologue

JOHNO IS BACK AND HE BOUTS TO WRITE A BOMB ASS STORY YALLS, WATCH OUTTTTTTTTTTTT