Talk:Mosaic/Issue 1/@comment-1107423-20140531002737

I was intrigued from the start with "Mosaic". I really like stories that go out of their way to tell narratives out of sequence. The flashback device is a tired-and-true method, but you nailed it here imo. We're introduced to Michael, we get a sense of what kind of guy he used to be (and what kind of guy he's apparently meant to be: "the bad guy") but there's still an intense air of mystery about him. What exactly did he do? IS he to be trusted? It's great not being able to trust or understand a protagonist. It makes them interesting and that can be a challenge sometimes - especially with a main protagonist, who can fall into easy traps and cliches, like feeling too generic. Michael already has the makings of someone who is very interesting and different, so that's a great first step.

The opening descriptions were fantastic. The descriptions as the issue went on, however, felt like they began to dwindle. I'd advise to try and keep it more consistent throughout your issue. It gripped me, but then it started to lose me. Luckily, the character work here and the mysteries you've set up have me on my toes so it kept me interested, despite that.

Something small that bugged me was the placement of your commas and quotation marks. It sounds petty, I know, but it's something that I think can be fixed :)

Example, the last line of the issue:

""Yeah", Michael assured Danny, "You can trust me"."

The proper placement would leave the comma before the ending quotation mark and the period inside of it at the end of the sentence. So basically, punctuation is supposed to remain inside of quotes.

"Yeah," Michael assured Danny, "You can trust me."

Looking back, I feel like I dwelled a lot on the (very minor and fixable) negatives. It's always easier to talk about what was done wrong more than what was done right, just because there isn't a lot to say really! I really enjoyed this first issue. The mystery and the set-up is gripping, and I dig that zombie fiction exists in this universe. It does in the Eden-verse too so woo rock on *high five/bro fist/combo/whatever u wanna do*

Your writing is rock solid, sir and I'm excited to see what comes next.