User blog:PBR Sharpshoot/A Long Road to Fortune: Opinions, Things that should change

I recently finished posting the first volume of my story A Long Road to Fortune. Now, I'm looking for some honest, hard reviewing and adivce in areas that you (the reader) think need work put into them. I want Volume 2 and every volume after that be better than the first. Please take the time to read it and state your thoughts. Thanks in advance!