Anguish & Desire/Chapter Twenty

This is Chapter Twenty of Danganronpa: Anguish &amp; Desire, Acceptance Time!. In this chapter, one of Ken's allies makes an important discovery, and something else happens that idk how to summarize here without spoiling. It's cool tho.

Author's Note: Roses are red, violets are blue, if you read this chapter, then I owe you<3

How did it come to this?

Or, not how, but why?

Nakata stands at the foot of my bed, with Sasada and Saishi on either side of her. They’re all dressed appropriately for the day -- Nakata in her black tank top and short shorts, Saishi sporting his white collared shirt tucked neatly away in his jeans, and Sasada wearing her green sweater vest and baggy black sweatpants.

I still lie in my bed -- my vision blurry still, I *just* woke up after all.

I was enjoying a nice, peaceful sleep, dreaming of...well, that’s not important, but the point is, I woke because Saishi suddenly barged in here, talking as loud as he does.

I love him and everything, but he seriously needs to not right now.

...did something happen?

“What’s wrong--wait, how did you guys get in here?!”

As I sit up in my bed, Nakata raises her hand. “That was me.”

“Did you pick my lock?” I ask, and I find myself rubbing away at my eyes.

“Um, maybe,” she says, looking away from me and back to Sasada.

“Wait--Ken’s got natural brown eyes?” Saishi asks, tilting his head.

“It’s actually scary how fast she picked it,” Sasada says, a half-disgusted, half-relieved look on her face. “I...don’t even know what to say.”

“Very impressive, if you ask me!” Saishi exclaims...his voice pierces my ears.

...it’s too early for this.

“It’s the second day in a row,” Sasada says, ignoring Saishi. “We were just worried something happened.”

“Worry? Why?” I ask. “Wait, second day for what?”

“You failed to show for the morning meeting, again,” Nakata says. “We just wanted to make sure no one killed you or anything.”

“Thanks…?” I ask, tilting my head.

“This better not become a habit,” Sasada says. “We already have enough problems as it is, what with Obinata, Tomori…”

“Did they do something?”

She’s quick to raise her hands as if she’s done something wrong. “No, no, it’s just about the tension.”

“Oh,” I say. “Sorry, I really just slept through the morning announcement, I had no idea.” I pause, before tilting my head. “Why did the three of you come, anyway?”

Nakata shrugs her shoulders. “I was sneaking away to check, and next thing I knew these two were following me.”

Sasada looks down at her feet, twiddling her thumbs. “W-Well, um, I was just…”

“I wanted to make sure you were okay!” Saishi exclaims, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I know it’s been a while, but what if you had another panic attack?! What if it was the after effect of the poison?! I needed to make sure!”

“First you bail on practice yesterday, now today, too,” Nakata says, sighing to herself. “You better be ready for today to be extra hardcore.”

I can feel myself nervously smile. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Don’t hurt him too much,” Saishi says, laughing to himself. “After all, we need everyone to be up and at it from now on!”

Saishi, nice save.

“What for?” Nakata asks. “I can’t run him into the ground?”

…

Please Saishi save me again.

He winces, crossing his arms. “We don’t want anyone weak or defenseless again, like Shimazaki! You...saw what happened there.”

Sasada nods. “It could be dangerous.”

Nakata shrugs her shoulders again, sitting next to my feet. “I’ll be with him the entire time, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Well, I guess that’s fine then,” Saishi says.

And, he gave up on me.

I guess I shouldn’t have been too down, for now I sit in the gymnasium with Nakata, my head leaning against the brick wall behind me. When she said ‘run me into the ground’, I didn’t think she meant it literally.

Still, when we started sparring today, she was...extra vicious. At first I thought it was because maybe I had started to get better, but she quickly shot that down. She told me I was getting sluggish, that I was starting to lose my touch.

It kinda hurt.

Still, it’s hard to not realize that there’s a certain tension in the air. If I had a knife I could probably cut it. Probably. She hasn’t been talking to me since we got here, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me.

“Are you mad at me?” I ask, crawling a bit forward to face her.

She doesn’t respond. Not right away. She takes a few moments to turn her head in my direction -- and, honestly, if looks could kill, I’d be swelling up by now. “Nope.”

She’s totally mad at me.

“What did I do? I’m sorry, Nakata.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Ken.”

“But even yesterday you looked like you were upset with me...if I did something wrong please tell me.”

She only sighs to herself. “It’s nothing you did, Ken.”

“Really?”

She nods her head. “Is anything bothering you?”

Huh? Why would she think…?

“No,” I say, looking away from her. “I’m fine. Really, I am.”

She raises one eyebrow. “Don’t lie to me.”

I roll over closer to her and rest my head beside her leg. She looks down at me, her eyes as sharp as always, her eyebrows narrow. “I’ve just been a little upset, y’know? I really thought we could’ve made it out together.”

“There are some things that are just out of our control, Ken,” she says. “We’re in an environment where it’s kill or be killed -- you know that now, right?”

…

Part of me knows she’s right -- that it may be futile to continue to hope that the rest of us will find our ways out of here, but…

...I can’t lose hope. Not yet.

“I don’t think so, Nakata. I think there’s still a chance we’ll be okay!”

We need someone who won’t give up. We can’t all be down like Sasada, scared like Satoshi, or confrontational like Obinata -- those are the kind of attitudes that’ll scare someone into thinking there’s no other choice.

I wanna be more like Saishi -- someone who’s always looking at this situation optimistically. He’s always looking to help, and in a situation like that...there’s nothing more admirable.

“As irritating as that is, I admire your hope,” she says, her lips curving into a gentle smile. “I just don’t want you to get hurt believing in others...people will always let you down.”

“But that’s why you’re here, right Nakata? You’re going to make sure that won’t happen to me, right?”

“I’ll make no promises,” Nakata says, her smile fading if only for a moment. “Remember what I said? I’ll kill if I feel like my life’s in danger. Don’t get too attached.”

I frown, and bite my lower lip. “Don’t say that, Nakata. I’d be sad if something happened to you.”

She scratches her neck and inches a bit closer to me. “It was a joke Ken, I’m sorry, it was in poor taste.”

I puff my cheeks out and tilt my head. “If you’re sorry, then, promise me you won’t do anything that could get you hurt.”

She sighs, and she lifts her hand off the ground and places it onto my cheek -- her hand was cold, that of someone I knew back home. “I...can’t promise that, Ken.”

Her eyes shift from me, to the monitor above us. “Here, let’s go to the bathhouse, Ken. You did good today, I worked you extra hard and you…”

“I, what?”

She nods her head. “You tried to keep up with me, so, you’re gonna be feeling sore soon. This’ll help.”

...I thought she was gonna compliment me.

But why would she wanna go to the bathhouse…?

I look back to where Nakata was looking at before, and I notice the camera that hides behind the monitor.

Oh, I see...the bathhouse doesn’t have any surveillance cameras.

She removes her hand from my face, and scratches her neck. “You in?”

I smile and nod my head. “Of course, Nakata.”

With that, Nakata helps me to my feet, and we go to the second floor of the school. Weirdly enough, we didn’t see anyone on our way to the bathhouse, and the same could be said for when we go inside.

Nakata sits herself on the bench in front of the small, wooden lockers, and I join her. “What did you wanna talk to me about?”

She sighs to herself, and shakes her head. “I messed up, Ken.”

You...messed up…?

“What happened, Nakata? Is--Is everything okay?”

“Probably, maybe I’m just overreacting. But, I found a notebook in one of the lockers by the pool. It looked...important.”

“A notebook…? What was inside?”

“I don’t know, I hadn’t read it yet,” she says, her eyes looking down on the wooden floor below us. “I left it in your drawer this morning when I broke in -- now, listen carefully, okay? I need you to read it, and I need you to be discreet about it, okay? Can you do that?”

“Wait, Nakata--I don’t understand. What’s wrong?”

“Can you do that?”

She looks back to me with her sharp eyes, her hand found its way onto my shoulder. “Please.”

I...I really don’t get what’s going on.

But, it looks serious. Nakata actually looks...nervous. That alone should tell me everything I need to know.

“I’ll do it.”

Nakata’s frown turns into a half-smile, and at that moment, the door to the bathhouse opens and Satoshi trots in, his sweatshirt handing over his shoulder.

The moment he sees us he freezes, and he nervously giggles to himself. “H-Hi, guys.”

Nakata removes her hand from my shoulder and turns to face him, and I only smile at him. “Hello, Satoshi.”

I wave. “Hey.”

He steps closer to us, and his nervous smile only grows wider. “Am I, uhm, interrupting something…?”

Nakata shakes her head. “No. We just finished up our workout so we were going to use the sauna. Care to join us?”

Ah, I guess we’re not trusting anyone else with this?

Satoshi’s face turns only the tiniest bit red, and his eyes widen a bit. “Can I? Would you mind…? I was about to do the same.”

...is it me, or is he cute?

I nod. “I’d love that Satoshi, it’s been awhile since we talked anyway!”

“It really has,” he says. “I’ve been...with Tomori all day, y’know? She’s been a little down so lately I’ve just been hanging in her room -- so, sorry I haven’t been around.”

Nakata rises from the bench we were sitting on, and turns away from him. “Don’t apologize, I think it’s really nice of you to be with her...despite what she’s done.”

“I don’t like it either, but she’s really regretful, y’know? I...wanna believe in her.”

I jump up from the bench and closer to Satoshi. “You think so too, right?!”

“Y-Yes,” he says, the nervous smile he’d been wearing being replaced with that of relief. “I do.”

I smile and nod my head...y’know, I had forgotten how sweet he was. He took part of Nakamoto’s plan to help save everyone, and, I guess it hit him pretty hard that we failed too.

Satoshi walks through the door that lead to the sauna and bath, grabbing a towel on his way, leaving Nakata and I once more.

“Don’t forget, Ken,” she says, grabbing a towel from the rack beside the lockers. “I’m gonna change first, if you wouldn’t mind joining Satoshi.”

“Of course.”

With those words, I grabbed a towel and joined Satoshi in the sauna room, and after we changed, we experienced a nice, relaxing hour in the sauna together.

“Dinner with Big Brother Ken~!”

Yuka marches in front of me, one hand behind her back, the other on her forehead, saluting to no one in particular.

I was on my way to my room to check out that book Nakata was telling me about, but before I could open my door, Yuka popped out of nowhere, complaining about Rai bailing out on their dinner plans. Of course I asked her to join me -- how could I not?!

So, yeah, that’s how I ended up putting off reading the book *again*. Nakata is really going to kill me I think. She’s going to be so disappointed.

As we enter the dining hall and travel to the kitchen, we’re stopped by Nakamoto, who sits close to the entrance eating dinner as well. “Yo, Yuka-chi, Ken-chi.”

Yuka frowns as I greet him. “Hey.”

“Havin’ dinner this late, aye? The hall is closing in a few, y’know?”

I nod, and Nakamoto smiles. “You’re both more than welcome to eat with me.”

Should we…?

I mean why not, Nakamoto’s been really nice, sure he can be a little sleazy, but he’s been really helpful so far.

“No, thank you!” Yuka exclaims, and her short frame jumps in between the two of us. “No one’s interrupting my date with Big Brother Ken.”

Nakamoto’s eyes only widen a little before he chuckles to himself. “So that’s what this is, Ken-chi?”

I don’t have the energy to even deny anything right now, so I shrug my shoulders, and Yuka and I make our way to the kitchen.

“Whatcha makin’ me?” she asks, tilting her head as I rummage through the fridge. “Something goooood?!”

“I don’t know how to cook,” I say, looking back to her. “But, how hard could it be, right?”

“I dunno either, just put it on the stove?”

I shrug my shoulders. “I’ve never had one.”

“If Big Sister Chie was still here she’d make us something all healthy and gross-tasting...”

I giggle to myself. “But we’d eat it. And if we refused…”

“...she’d force us.”

I wasn’t really looking at her, my head was in the fridge, but I wasn’t a fool -- I heard her voice crack when she finished that sentence. Like there was a pain deep within her.

I quickly look over my shoulder, and all I can really see is Yuka looking down at the ground. “Hey, what happened? Are you okay?”

I turn back toward her and begin to slowly walk toward her, but stop when I’m in arm’s distance. “Yuka, what’s wrong?”

Before I knew it, Yuka’s body answered my question -- it started to shake. Tears were welling up in the corner of her eyes and she quickly looked back up to me..

“Yuka...are you--?”

Yuka only shakes her head, and covers her mouth with her hand. “I’m sorry, Big Brother Ken.”

“Why are you--what’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing!”

And with that declaration, Yuka spins back around and takes off.

I try to reach out and grab her, but...I miss. She was too fast.

I follow her out of the kitchen, however by the time I was halfway out of the dining hall, she was gone and around the corner.

What just happened…? She was fine a minute ago.

As I stop, someone else’s voice rings through my ear.

“Is she okay--what happened?” Nakamoto asks, taking his place to my side, looking off in the direction Yuka ran off in. “Did you fuck up the date that bad?!”

I shake my head. “I don’t know.”

“Where is she going?”

Well…

“I have an idea.”

I hear Nakamoto sigh to himself and murmur something about always being left out, but I really don’t care right now. I need to go to Yuka.

I slowly make my way up to the second floor, and, trot over to Class 2-A. I know Yuka wanted to be alone, so it wouldn’t make sense for her to go to her room where we could easily find her, so…

...I think she’ll be here.

And it’s not the soft whimpering I hear coming from inside either (though that helps), it’s where I found her headphones when the second floor was made available to us.

I thought that maybe she was investigating again, but...this makes more sense.

This is probably where she goes when she wants to cry.

If that’s so...should I go inside? Should I try to talk to her, or would that hurt her even more?

I...don’t know.

But, I don’t want to leave her. I can’t, because...I don’t think she’d leave me.

So, I slide open the classroom door, and I wander inside. The locker -- which is straight ahead of me -- is closed shut, though there’s no question that that’s where the crying is coming from.

“Yuka, I’m opening the locker.”

She doesn’t respond, no, her crying just continues. So, I open the locker, and, I get on my knees in front of her.

She sits in her locker, her head hiding between her knees. Her body continues to shake, and I reach out and poke her leg. “H-Hey, Yuka, is everything okay?”

She slowly lifts her head out of her lap, and she opens her eyes.

And, the second she opens her mouth to talk, the first tear falls from her face. “Am I...doing good?”

“Of course you are--”

“I’ve...been trying to be strong. I’ve been trying to eat right. I’ve been trying to do everything Big Sister Chie told me to do, but why…?! I woke up and I couldn’t hear her voice--Big Brother Ken, why can’t I remember her voice anymore?!”

She pauses, and wipes a tear away from her eye. “Is this...karma?”

“Karma?”

“Is it because I’m a horrible person, Big Brother Ken? Is that why all of this is happening to me? Is that why the only per...the only person who tried to help me left me…”

Her eyes open, and her eyes widen. “Please--just go. You’ll get hurt if you get close to me.”

I...don’t know what happened to you, Yuka. But...I promise I won’t leave you. Ever.

I know words won’t help you right now, but the least I can do is let her fall into my arms. If that’s enough to help, then I don’t mind. I’ll stay here as long as you need. “I won’t. I won’t.”

Really, we only stayed like ten minutes past the nighttime announcement. Afterwards, I half-carried Yuka back to her room, and wished her goodnight...I was nervous to leave her alone, but she looked like she’d rather be alone for a bit, and I didn’t mind.

She’s been trying to keep up this strong front, because that’s what Yosano would’ve wanted, and...she was just at her breaking point.

Now, it’s time.

I’m quick to walk to my room, and, I can’t help but feel a sense of relief and suspense. I mean, I’m finally going to get an answer about our situation here -- and if Nakata’s right, that this might lead to our escape, then...I really have to get to reading.

As I unlock the door and push it open, I gently smile to myself. It’s only time that we got some answers--

--there’s someone coming up from behind me.

Of course, I realized that too late, and before I could turn around to face whoever was approaching, my breathing was suddenly restricted and a hand was gripping onto my throat and I was pushed back against a wall. My eyes forced themselves shut. Their grip was...too strong, and though my hands grasped at theirs, it was no use -- I found myself panicking. I couldn’t breathe.

Someone was going to kill me.

''I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die.''

As I felt my body go limp, my eyes slowly opened, and the only thing I could see was the read and blue mask my attacker was wearing -- even I wasn’t sure of that though, everything was too blurry.

I’m going to die.

As if he felt my body weaken, my attacker pulled me forward, and with one final push, he…

…

It hurts. God, it hurts so much.

Wait...I’m not--

--what’s happening?

My eyes shoot open, and, I’m met with the face of the person who I always seem to wake up to when something bad happens; Ukon Sasada.

Her normally cold, indifferent face is painted with that of a warm comfort. Her mouth moves but I can’t make out what she’s saying. It’s not that I can’t hear her, it’s just...oh god, my fucking head.

I…

...did she ask me a question?

“Wh-What?”

“--gers am I holding up?” …

What are you holding up?

Her hand comes more into focus, and she repeats her question. “How many fingers, Ken?”

I don’t know, everything’s still...out-of-focus. “Three?”

“Two,” she says, taking her hand away from my face. She turns away for a moment, and another person is in the background. It’s...hard to see their face, but only one person here has medium-cut black hair.

“What happened to you?” she asks, her arms crossed as Sasada turns back to me with an ice pack in her hands.

“W-Where are we?”

My voice is hoarse. I can feel it and I can hear it -- they probably noticed, too.

“Take it easy,” Sasada says as she places an ice pack to my head, and it’s hard not to writhe in pain.

“So-Sorry,” she says, but she totally contradicts herself by putting even more pressure on the ice. “We’re in my room. What happened to you?”

What...what did happen to me?

Ah, right.

“T-There was a guy, I don’t know. He was wearing a...strange mask and I don’t know. It went dark.”

“There was a dent in the wall where I found you,” Sasada says, and Nakata moves closer to us.

“So they probably slammed your head into the wall,” Nakata says, sighing to herself. “The marks on your throat and your...voice...suggest someone gripped you by the throat, no?”

I only nod my head.

“So someone tried to kill you?” Sasada asks, placing a tad bit more pressure on my head. I wince, but she doesn’t notice or care. “Do we need to have another meeting?”

“No, whoever attacked Ken didn’t intend to kill,” Nakata says. “They only meant to knock him out.”

…

Wait--

“The book--what happened to the book?”

W-Was it stolen?

“And that’s exactly why -- it’s gone,” Nakata confirms. “That was poor judgement on my part, I shouldn’t have put you in danger like that. Did you get a chance to read it?”

I only shake my head. “I was just getting back to my room to do so.”

“It was past the nighttime announcement, what were you doing out?” Sasada asks. “What if it wasn’t me who found you? What would have happened?”

“S-Sorry.”

“Look, this stays between the three of us, ‘kay?” Nakata says, her eyes moving from Sasada’s to mine. “I read the book.”

“Book? What book are you guys even talking about?” Sasada asks.

“It’s clearly something the mastermind didn’t want us to read -- evident by Ken’s injury.”

I tilt my head. “I thought you said you didn’t read it…?”

“I lied. The book said that only one of us were allowed to read it and after that, if anyone else picked it up, the original reader would be punished. I thought that the mastermind wouldn’t have noticed me placing it in your room this morning, but I suppose I was wrong. “

“Is it okay for you to be telling us this, then…?” Sasada asks. “Won’t he hear you saying that and come get you?”

“No. Ken didn’t read it, and I haven’t told anyone about what was inside, so...I should be fine. Probably.”

“Well, what did it say?” Sasada asks, her voice turning to a whisper. “It said no one else could read it, but you can tell us, right? If it’s something that can get us out of here, we need to hear it.”

Nakata shakes her head. “Not yet. Ken, Sasada, I need you two to trust me. I’ve already told you two too much -- Ken’s already gotten hurt. I won’t let you two get involved until I have a plan figured out.”

Wait, but--

I find myself attempting to move forward, I find myself attempting to grab hold of Nakata’s wrist -- but I can’t push myself to do it. “What about you, Nakata? If what you’re saying is true, then--”

“No. He wanted someone to find it,” she says. She looks at the two of us, and solemnly shakes her head. “I don’t want you two to worry. I have a plan.”

“Are you sure…?” Sasada asks.

“This sounds too dangerous! You can’t do this by yourself.”

“You’re forgetting who you’re talking to,” she says, gently pulling her wrist out of my grasp. “I’m the Ultimate Mercenary. I’m Madoka Nakata.”

With that, Nakata rises from the bed and turns away from us. “Don’t lose hope. I’ll be back.”

Sasada pulls the ice pack away from my head and steps forward to Nakata. “What do you mean? Where are you going?”

“Wait--don’t go, Nakata. You can’t just leave us...”

But Nakata didn’t listen, she left Sasada and I in the Nurse’s Office, and despite the voice in my head screaming at me to follow her. My body wouldn’t listen. I couldn’t force myself to follow her, and she disappeared into the hallway.

Why…?

Why couldn’t I follow her?

I try to sit up, but, Sasada pushes my shoulders back down. “No, Ken. Listen, I’m no doctor, but you need to rest -- you’re not allowed to follow her. The finger test suggests you have a concussion, and I’d like to continue with a couple of tests. I don’t want to send you off and let you pass out in the hallway or shower and hurt yourself. I won’t allow it -- Nakata can’t handle herself.”

“Bu--” I go to talk, but I can only cough. My chest feels heavy, my head still spins, my throat still burns.

I don’t really remember what happened that night after that, all I remember is that I couldn’t stop coughing, and when I finally did, Sasada gave me a couple more concussion tests I’ve never heard of. But, whatever it was, she said that I needed to be extra careful and that if I ever felt light-headed I should sit down so I wouldn’t fall and hit my head. Hell, she even tried making me stay the night, though I...I couldn’t.

She ended up helping me back to my room and after I locked the door behind her, I felt like I could pass out the second my body hit my bed.

Though I couldn’t help but wonder -- no, wonder is the wrong word...maybe worry -- as I drifted out of consciousness...would Nakata be okay? She sounded almost distressed in the bathhouse, but she seemed so calm, so collected just before.

Maybe she does have a plan--and, maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and she’ll be waiting at my door, dragging me along to work out again...I mean, I’d have to turn her down if I didn’t want to be scolded by Sasada, but...it’d be a relief.

I’m sure she’ll be okay, though. She’s...strong. Stronger than anyone I’ve ever met, so--I’ll believe in her! I have to!

''Nakata will be okay. Nakata will be okay. Nakata will be okay. Nakata will be okay. Nakata will be okay. Nakata will be okay. Nakata will be okay. Nakata will be okay. Nakata will be okay. Nakata will be okay. Nakata will be okay. Nakata will be okay. ''

…

God, how I wish that would've true.