Talk:Writing Contest 1/Lee Everett/@comment-4105222-20130506002707

Hello, Lee.

First of all, I'd like to address the spacing of this story. Everything feels really squeezed in together since they're all in one giant paragraph. But, I do recall you losing all of your writing, and I know how much of a b#@#$% it is to rewrite everything, especially if it was a one-shot attempt... I mean, it wasn't much trouble actually, but it makes writing organized.

Onto the story itself. Like Walkerbait claims, the dialogue became a bit clunky and robotic at times, mostly because of the lack of punctuation (periods, question marks, exclamation). Nonetheless, you really caught how a standard Daryl and Merle banter would be like. It was also really exciting to see them both from before they got separated, being in a new environment and all, and interacting with Shane, Lori, and Carl for the first time. I also like the "beginning apocalypse" mood you set with all the news and naming of the zombies. Still, I feel like you could've done a tad bit better...

It would've been nice to be more descriptive; at times, it just felt like you were telling the reader this, and... that's it. We could use a bit more visualization, so that we can feel the story more.

Other than that, you had some really good ideas, and you managed to put that message forth.