Premonitions/Entry 1

Entry #1 [October 30, 2015] “Ay nako, Julius…”

Another semester down the drain.

“I don’t know what else to say to you… other than you are wasting our time and money.”

He thought he could keep at least one C… but that final bumped it down to a D. He ought to give himself a round of applause.

The over-the-phone voice sighs in exasperation. ''“Ayoko na, Julius. Ayoko na talaga. You—you pay for your own classes now. We’re not paying for your school no more.”'' And it couldn’t have been more clear. He could just imagine it now; mom, fuming on the phone, while dad sits in the background, silent, hard to tell if he’s disappointed or not.

He can’t do these annual final grade checks in-person anymore. Mom’s able to siphon people’s souls while she’s unbelievably mad.

Julius hangs up the phone, shakes his head, continues to sit sunken on the sofa while he tries to process what just happened.

This spring semester, his second, failed. All that time, wasted. Narrowly avoiding another anger-slash-guilt-trip from his mother by insisting on having this conversation from his apartment. Finding out that he’ll be paying for his schooling now.

19 years old, and still a sophomore in community college. Does he get angry with himself about this again, like many times before?

Nah. It gets too exhausting.

In fact, Julius is already over it. There’s always next semester, and the next… and maybe now, his time will matter since it’s in his money.

Oh, right. His money. Julius glances at the wall clock of this living room, finds it to be an hour from his afternoon shift at the antique shop.

“Holy shit, Julius—one D, one F, and one incomplete…” The gray-haired, light-skinned man lets out a comical laughter as he looks through Julius’s grade sheet. “Gotta hand it to you, kid—it was a great semester—” He collapses into more giggles while he hands the paper back and offers him a handshake. Of course, his boss has to be in on it, too. “What the hell are you thinkin’, kid? What are you still doin’ in school?”

Julius simply shrugs, folds the paper away and pockets it. “Gotta finish something, uncle. Better to finish school now before it’s too late—” That’s what his parents made him believe, what they want him to tell everyone.

“Yeah, yeah—sounds like Alma alright…” his boss—and his acting godfather, Henry—responds. He sighs, glances at his watch quickly, and puts a hand on Julius’s shoulder. “Son, what do you really want to do in life?” Julius assumes a puzzled expression. “Well…” Henry takes his arm away and starts to pace. “It sure as hell ain’t school.” Henry folds his arms and gives him a look.

He… really doesn’t have an answer for that. “I—I don’t know…”

Henry nods. “But it ain’t school, right?” Julius withholds a vocal response, instead looking unsure. “It’s alright, kid! Goin’ to college isn’t some—written requirement that all kids your age have to follow.” Julius is mostly unsure about this, but a part of him tells him that his uncle is right… but what else can he do? He shuffles for words, starting with “But my parents said—”

“You don’t gotta listen to your parents all the time, Julius. Yeah, I know how those two are—they’re both graduates. They’ll push education to you no matter what. But it still comes down to you—” He points at Julius’s chest. “—now, I know it’s gonna be difficult… but you gotta be firm with them and tell ‘em this isn’t what you want to do right now. Wait… what is it that you want to do right now?”

His uncle’s got a point. Julius gives it a moment. “… travel the world.”

“There.” Henry expresses agreement. “Travel the world. Now, you work toward that… little by little.” He looks around at the very space they stand on—a sales floor, with antiques ranging from furniture to small items arranged in shelves all around them. “M—maybe not here, though. You… ever thought about gettin’ a second job?...” The two chuckle, bringing them back to the attention of the store. Business was definitely not booming today.

“Eh, you’ll figure it out, right?” Henry points to the store’s back door. “Got a new shipment today—let’s haul it off the truck…”

Travel the world. Good one.

The truth is, Julius has no idea what to do with his life. But after hearing the words of his godfather, he knows it isn’t school.

He never had much friends to stick with in his on-going academic life. The good ones moved. Most of them grew apart. One in particular, a person more than his friend… she left his life, too. Having a bunch of friends going into college would’ve been nice—if he wasn’t forced to change his plans.

He’s been setting up the prospect of getting into college through scholarships all his high-school life; but his family’s finance became tight, and he was forced to continue his education in a community college. His friends have left him behind. The single person he could count on—she moved out of the state.

Education is a necessity in life. But there were other ways for him to learn—not just out of a book. He should travel the world…

…but not this instant. Instead, he settles for his college’s library, the place he’s always been going to after school every day for the past two semesters. He’s currently looking over some books on traveling while he keeps his eyes on the second thing he was looking forward to find the last couple of weeks. Half an hour in, and she wasn’t here yet.

He could go to Belize, Budapest, Kobani, Kuching… if he follows a traveling plan, and a RTW ticket. There seems to be tons of preparation needed, it says here, and learning a culture’s customs depends if the country is visiting is a resort or not…

Maybe he should work towards a career that requires travel… the likes of the airport, for starters. Maybe he should look into any job openings for Oakland Intl’—

Ah, she’s here. The girl he’s been working the nerve to approach and talk to since the semester’s mid-term. She always sits at one of the far tables, somewhat noticed, but distant enough to be an afterthought… and she’s got that shuttered gesture, much like himself.

Always that ponytail, always the same bundle of textbooks. Finals day just happened and this library’s going to be closed off for a long, long time. Waiting to the last minute really does bring the urgency out in someone sometimes. It doesn’t work well for homework, though…

He closes his books, carries them like he’s heading for check-out in approach to the desk girl.

“Uh, hey.” Her shuttered defense proves to be easy to climb over, as she looks up at him with blank curiosity. “I… I always see you out here, about the same time.” Julius sprinkles his words with some nervous chuckle. “I—I’m Julius.” Close—he nearly asked her out to something he has no idea of just yet.

She smirks, effectively putting down her wall of solitude. “Evelynn.”

“Evelynn…” ''Think, Julius. What is there to do in Madera right now?'' He nods for a moment, taking back that thought. “How’d your finals go?” He figures she’s a student here—not just a loyal visitor of this average-looking library.

“It—went good, actually.” Her face brightens with every word. “I—think I passed it all…”

Julius chuckles. “Good. Good. I—I think I’m gonna have to retake some classes.” This elicits a quieter chuckle on her part. “So, um…” He glances at the entrance. “MCC’s got this end-of-the-semester ritual that only happens—uh… every three spring semesters, I think. A party, in-campus. Wondering if you…” He intentionally slows down his concluding question. “… want to go?”

She thinks it for only a second. “Yeah, sure,” she tells him.

Thank goodness his memory didn’t fail him that moment.

This “MCC ritual” was a random fact relayed to him by a fellow student—a junior, most likely—from one of his classes. He found out about it last semester—the Fall one—and how they should stick around for Spring just so they could attend it. One of the Sac State frat houses functioning here always organize it, since they’re loyal MCC graduates.

It’s just another party to Julius, as he can see, but this one was set up to be outdoors, and with fellow college goers. There’s drinks, electronic music, and… mostly just a bunch of students celebrating another semester down. It was nice, to say the least.

“So, Lynn…” She insisted on calling her by that name since Evelynn was “too formal”. “How long have you been attending Madera?” The two of them stand on a line for drinks—just Hawaiian punch, by the looks of it.

“Just this semester actually,” she replies.

“Do you live around here?”

“No, actually—” Lynn is interrupted by a volume increase in the bass-ridden track shaking up this quad. “I moved from New York, around November of last year!” The two—along with the rest—try to get used to the bass rumble, but the volume is soon lowered and muffled mic chatter follows up.

“New York! That’s so far—” The couple finally make it to the front of the line, meeting with a tie-dye-shirt man, holding a ladle, big bowl of blue liquid in front of him. “Tickets?” he calls, and the two hand their own respective yellow ones. “Ooh… toddlers. Sorry children, but you only get punch for tonight.” He nods at the lady beside him, receiving two overflowing plastic cups and handing it to the couple. “Enjoy!” Julius and Lynn look and smile at each other. At least these guys are keeping it responsible.

The two head for a busier area, sipping their cups to keep spills out along the way. “So—what brings you all the way out here?” Julius continues.

“This definitely has alcohol in it—” Lynn responds, looking at both Julius and the drink. “Oh, well—my—my dad wanted me to work out here. An internship, or something—” They reach the area concentrated with people—a bass-heavy beat that has grown in volume roaring in the background—and find a spot for them to stand on. “He’s—” She purses her lips sideways for a second. “He’s a pharm conglomerate, and he wants me to continue the family business—”

Now that she’s mentioned it, there definitely is a bitter aftertaste to the punch… “Oh. I’m sorry this is random, but what nationality are you?” Lynn keeps her eyes on the dance crowd forming and responds, “Japanese. Third generation.”

“Cool. I’m—I’m Asian too! Well—half. My mom is Filipino.” Lynn glances at him and smiles. “But I know how they get. I think it’s in our culture. At least, half of mine. Follow the every whim of our parents’ wishes—” Lynn keeps her eyes on the dance floor, lightly nodding while at it. “Are you gonna do what your dad asks you?” Lynn takes a drink, shrugs lightly. “I don’t know.”

After a time of people watching, a few intentions to dance, and a couple more drinks, Julius and Lynn decide to settle in one of the quad’s benches, choosing to watch the party unfold from a short distance.

He’s already learned so much about her; like him, Lynn’s just another Asian-American trying to reap the benefits this country has to offer through high academic achievement. Unlike him, though, Lynn is actually living up to the task; she’s a college transfer, just finishing up her credits here in Madera here so she can continue her major of Geothermal Engineering. “Hope I’m not terrifying you,” she assures him. They’re about the same age, and Lynn’s already finished so much…

She’s also receiving some pressure from her parents, it seems; but for most Asian-Americans, that’s to be expected. The business scene is not what she wishes to undertake, so she partly chose to move here to California to distance herself from her parents and do what she pleases. But her father has his ways… “If not for him, I wouldn’t really have a place. I—I have to get this internship this summer, or I’ll be forced to move back…”

“Wow. So how are you going to continue your major?...”

“Scholarships.” Yet again, another thing Julius finds boggling. It’s like he’s speaking to a graduate student right now. “You—you might be the smartest person I’ve ever met.” She chuckles, looks away. “Not that smart.”

“I—I think I’m gonna go ask one of the professors over there to start my registration early—you know, so I can [i]probably catch up—” Julius points to one of three professors present in the party right now. Again, Lynn laughs. “Seriously. You put me to shame.”

Lynn shakes her head. “It’s different for everyone. And—and I think I got a head start. From my parents. I—I don’t wish it on anyone else.” All of the brightness withers from her expression. “This—this is probably the third party I’ve ever attended in my adult life.” Her eyes start to look distantly toward the party.

“Don’t worry.” Julius catches her attention. “This is only my sixth.”

Ten tries, and still no luck. Julius chose to give up on getting Lynn to dance. Instead, they settle on the rap battle that ensued because of the irresistibly good hip-hop beat.

The party continued on well into the night, but the two didn’t stick around. Lynn told Julius she had a sleep schedule to stick to.

After a few bus rides, Julius finally gets to see the apartment she lived in.

A sunset district apartment. The property listings here were the most expensive in Madera. One of his goals were to move out here…

Julius couldn’t help but look at the top-grade architecture of this place. Though it was only three stories, the paint’s new condition was something to admire. “Nice place,” he decides to say instead.

“Thanks. For… for everything.” Julius nods proudly. “Sorry…” He glances at his watch. “… we got here a little late. If we probably left earlier—”

“No no.” Lynn waves her hand. “It’s fine. It’s—it’s not that late.” The two share a few more awkward chuckles. “Well—” Julius decides to look at the bus stop near them. “Goodnight.”

“Julius—” She stops him in his tracks, walks up to him, and gives him a quick peck on the cheek. “Th—thanks again.” Her voice slightly shakes—Julius is equally flustered, but the night conceals his reddish face well.

“No problem,” he blissfully mutters.